Page 139 of Balance
“Why do you keep saying this stuff?” Her words were chipped, cold, causing a shiver to shoot down my spine. “You knew exactly what I was going to do with the flowers. You said I was ‘tenderhearted’.”
“Yeah…” I still shrugged even though she wasn’t looking at me. How could you explain something that was instinct? I might not remember all the details, but there were things that were just familiar to me. For example, I always made sure to watch Huo in tense situations, waiting for his explosive temper to show itself, and it was natural for me to monitor Shui from a distance, and to accept the fact we’d never be close.
Then Jin…
I normally didn’t antagonize others, but something about him begged for it. He could grumble all he wanted, but I knew he secretly liked the attention.
And this was our normal, our pattern.
It was the same way Mu retained characteristics in every life. He was scary and could be evil, and I didn’t always agree with his methods, but he was also the one who expressed his softer side most easily.
Probably because he never gave a fuck what people thought.
Okay, so maybe Bianca wasn’tquitethere yet, but she had the scary part down.
Like right now… She’d grown eerily still at her question, and if I wasn’t careful with my response, I was certain she’d spin around and rip off my head.
Certain things you justknew.
“Well…” My words sounded weak, and I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. “It’s obvious.”
“Can you stop saying that too?” Her question broke on the last word, and her watery eyes finally shifted to meet mine. As her position changed and she moved to face me, she twisted a lock of her hair around her finger. I’d noticed she fidgeted often—twisting her fingers and picking at her clothes. As far as nervous tells went, they were rather minor.
However, even though most anything she did was endearing, they were also behaviors a bit startling to see with her. To me, Mu embodied poise, power, and strength.
I never read a story where Mu was nervous or scared about anything.
But… Bianca was not like Mu, not entirely.
And that wasn’t really important, was it? It wasn’t like I had much of a connection with Tu either.
My breath had caught at the surge of exasperation across her face.
She’d pushed her fists into her sides and squared her shoulders. “I’m not the same.” Her tone was almost defiant. “I told you before, I’m not him! Why do all of you keep telling me I am? Is that the only reason you’re nice to me?”
My defenses crumbled and my gut twisted.
She thoughtthiswas the reason we liked her? She had misunderstood, but it was my fault too.
Fuck keeping her at an arm’s length—all conviction of not pressuring her fell to the wayside. Gentle hints were not enough to rebuild the shattered foundation of her confidence.
Damen’s reckless and pushy approach had been right. For once.
Bianca didn’t need space, she needed grounding.
“Oh, mon rêve.” I set the lantern on the ground. The fallen leaves crunched under our feet as I pulled her to me, knowing—but uncaring—that she could hear my racing heart.
Bianca didn’t push back, but she did raise her hands between us. They were shaking as she twisted them in my shirt. That same nagging, unfamiliar feeling surged through me once again. She felt so small, so fragile in my arms. Even though my senses were on full alert, the knot in my throat released with every breath and my skin hummed.
It had never been like this before; this was unknown territory.
“I know you’re not Mu.” I leaned forward, burying my face in her hair. “I don’twantyou to be him,” I added, breathing her in. “I want you to beyou. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry for not explaining better.”
She shifted, pressing her cheek against me. “What do you mean?”
“We’re not justpeople. We embody the characteristics that create our elements.” My pulse roared as I tried to explain without being callous. I didn’t want her to have any doubts. “You’reMu,” I emphasized.
“Mu…” Her voice had lost its sharp edge, her shaking stilling.
