Page 80 of Balance
I groaned, swallowing past the lump in my throat and lowering my hands to my lap. “I don’t know. Whenever?”
“Whenever?” Julian frowned, cocking his head. “What is ‘whenever’?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Every couple months?”
“Couplemonths? How could you not tell my mother?”
I shrugged again, chewing on my inner cheek. It wasn’t like it was a big deal.
Julian sighed, pinching his nose. “Youneedto be seen when we get back.”
“No.” That would never happen. I’d go the same day I’d drag myself to Dr. Nam’s office and allow him to serve me tea.
“Bianca!” He sounded exasperated, and the feeling brushed over my raw nerves. “Why?”
“I don’t want to,” I breathed, hoping that he’d just let it go.
“That’s not an answer,” Julian pressed, his intense gaze holding mine. I could barely breathe under the weight of it. “Why don’t you want to go?”
“Because I said so!” I’d jumped to my feet, clenching my shaking fists against my sides. “Leave it alone.”
Everyone else remained frozen, staring at the two of us with unreadable expressions. Julian held my attention—it was much easier to get a grasp on his state of mind than any other.
His weight rested on his ankles as he remained couched to the ground, his right arm loosely draped over the top of his thigh. While his posture remained relaxed, the only outward indication of his emotions was his hand curling into a fist and the tight lines suddenly defined in his forearm.
A tumultuous wave of shadow and fury pulsed between us, almost drowning me under the weight of it. Not for the first time, I wondered if, even though I could feel his emotions, I really understood Julian much at all.
But as I was coming to learn, there was a difference between knowing and comprehension.
“Bianca, please.” Julian’s smooth voice was in a sharp contrast than the feelings continuing to pour from him. “There could be a serious problem. There are things my mother can do to help—”
“No.” I’d crossed my arms over my chest again, stepping back. “I’m not doing it.”
It was fine, no big deal. I’d read enough on this topic to know that I wasmost likelyokay. So I wasn’t even sure why we were having this conversation.
Julian watched me, cautious, and let out a low sigh. “Why don’t we shelve this conversation for later?”
How about we didn’t?
“I’ll make you a deal,” he said, slowly getting to his feet. “We’ll just wait and see how you feel… next time. And then you can decide from there.”
I nodded. Absolutely. I already knew my answer.
My experiences were perfectly normal.
“Okay.” His voice was weary, and he moved to my side, draping his arm around my shoulders. The prickling of my skin faded, and the constriction in my chest loosened. “It’s done for now then. Why don’t you sit and eat dinner?” he asked, guiding me into a seat on the warm dirt between him and Miles. “You’ve done a lot today.”
Hiking? That was nothing.
But as Miles pressed the mug against my hands—this time it had cooled enough to touch without a barrier—I accepted, eating and watching the others over the rim as they fell into discussions of other topics. Even so, the soothing broth couldn’t dissolve the stone that remained deep in my stomach.
Things might look normal again, but why did it feel like, instead of moving forward, I’d just taken two huge steps back?
Chapter Eighteen
Bianca
Clean
