Page 104 of Change
“So you’re hiding?” Bryce asked. “You admit it?”
“Fine.” Lord, he was a stickler for semantics. “Yes, I amhiding, big deal. But the point remains, I can’t show Bianca anything; because once she knows,everyonewill know. She’s in enough danger just beingher, as you’ve already stated.” I pointed at him. “Are you even considering what will happen once people know that I care about her more than myself?”
Bryce’s expression had shifted into something strangely sympathetic. “Do you?”
“Do Iwhat?” I snapped.
“Care about her more than you care about yourself?”
I froze, breath caught in my lungs, as the enormity of what I’d just done weighed heavy against my chest. I couldn’t answer, couldn’t even think of a response, but it didn’t matter. Bryce wasn’t finished.
“It’s always been conjecture, of course…” He studied me in a particular way that caused my spine to stiffen. “That you, Huo, had feelings for Mu. It’s always been obvious on the other end. But I’ve only ever read theories that you’ve—in any life—ever been romantically involved with Mu. The others though, were obvious.”
“Because we haven’t been romantically involved.”
Bryce shot me a disbelieving look. “Well, it certainly looks like you’re trying now.”
Yes.
I couldn’t deny it. Things were different now in a way they’d never been before. There’d always been an attraction between us—one that could have very easily led to a sexual relationship. One that he’d tried to facilitate many times. But…
I couldn’t give into it.
Just beingaroundme was dangerous, and his position—in the past—had always been risky and violent. Every time, in every life, he’d been hurt on my behalf was something that stayed with me.
Imagine how much worse it would have been if peopleknewhow weak I really was. Once it was confirmed that, if they had the right leverage, I’d do whatever they wanted.
The hardest and most regretful decisions in all my lives were regarding Mu.
“It’s different now.” The stifling air was becoming almost unbearable.
“Yes,” Bryce said solemnly. “You’re jealous.”
Jealous?
A surge of indignation rose in me.
Iwasjealous, but I’d always been. That was something I’d grown used to feeling.
But jealousy was not what motivated me. It was an emotion I had to learn to keep in check—and I would even admit I was not doing the greatest job at it lately.
“Sheneedsme.” For the first time in all our lives, she neededme. It’d always been the opposite between us—he’d been the source of my strength, and his advice gave me clarity in times when I had none.
But now I couldn’t rely on her in that way. In order for this to work, I had to be the one to change.
And for once, it didn’t sound like such a terrible idea.
