Page 168 of Change
Had there been a tree here before? I didn’t think so. Drought had taken this land years ago, and the battlefield had been a barren wasteland of broken earth and blood-red horizons.
But it didn’t matter why—I was dying.
Despite having guided many spirits, and killed some others, I never thought about what death would be like. It was a strange sensation. What happened after this? I wasn’t a human, there was no afterworld for my spirit to go. Would everything go back to the way it was before? Back when everything was only a concept, and I had no form?
Back when I could only watch humans from the trees and plants.
I hoped not; I’d been growing rather fond of these emotions and humanity as a whole. Being mortal had been a strange experience, but now—I realized—I’d miss it.
There were a lot of things I’d do differently next time. My heart ached with longing as the sounds of battle grew distant. All light had vanished under my shelter, and I was left in the damp darkness. I could feel every beat of my heart, and the back of my throat tickled.
I didn’t want to lose this.
I didn’t want to return to the way things were before—back when I could see the world and not understand.
But there was nothing I could do about it, and my body seized with fear and grief. It was almost time. My awareness was growing dim, and the feelings I’d spent a lifetime exploring, the ones that had now become precious to me were already falling from my grasp. Fading, until all that was left was an ache in my chest, and a longing for memories that I knew but layered with emotions couldn’t grasp.
It was already starting. My eyes prickled but I couldn’t grasp why.
For a quick moment numbness morphed into grief, and I was happy to feel even that. It meant that things hadn’t entirely ended yet.
There was a chance.
The faint humming against my skin grew stronger. It surrounded me, distracting me, even, from the pain that racked my body. All that didn’t matter—I couldn’t entirely explain it, but I was on the cusp of something new.
What if wecouldstart over again? What if there was a way to avoid that isolating loneliness?
We’d been born out of a necessity—to bring order into a chaotic world and to guide those who misused abilities they didn’t understand.
But it didn’t have to end yet. There was more work to be done.
I wouldn’t go back to that place again. Being human—even with all the pain and suffering that came with it—was better than having nothing at all.
The jarring snap of awareness took away my breath as the scene shifted to the present. The memory must have taken only a second to reply in my thoughts. I was still holding tightly to Titus’s shirt, and we were still in mortal peril, but now my emotions were jumbled and my thoughts scattered.
And—more importantly—whywould I remember thisnowas we were falling to our doom?
“He blames himself for what happened,” Mu continued. “He was wounded that day and hasn’t flown since.”
My vision wavered. The ground was growing closer, we must have only seconds left before it was too late.
“It’s never been life-threatening, but he stopped the healing process. He never had any reason to move past it or to forgive himself. Dragons are very stubborn,” my alter-ego explained. “He was content with the status-quo because it worked for him and served as a reminder. You need to be the one to make the first move—give him a reason to change.”
I gasped, realization righting my thoughts.
Thatidiot.
I refused to die for such a stupid reason. Who the heck cared about what happened who knew how many years ago?
Anger filled the place left behind by grief, and I glared at the unconscious dragon. I was supposed to be hismate, what could possibly be more important than that?
We were supposed to have dragon babies and do shifter mate things. But, unless he woke up and took some responsibility, our only future was as splattered remains over the super dense countryside.
Whatever issues we had personally could always be worked through, but if he didn’t shape up, we would never get this opportunity again.
It hit me with a shock and my breath caught in realization—I was just as much to blame. He’d been trying to bond with me, and I’d been running away.
There was no reason to be scared of him, or what being with him would entail.
