Page 61 of Ashes and Lilies
Poor Maria.
I would have to teach her that my boys were good. Surely, she knew that, though. “Maria—”
“No.” Maria stopped behind me and began to braid a ribbon into my hair. “To answer your question, it’s not entirely see-through. And I’m already in my pajamas.”
I glanced at her plaid pants and spaghetti top. They were similar to what I had worn earlier, which she had told me was not appropriate.
Maria continued before I could bring it up. “And don’t worry, no one can see anything. You look elegant. And the dark green against black will look amazing when you win this game.”
“I—”
“I hadn’t planned on taking it this far.” Maria tied off my braid. “But we must distract them. Desperate times.”
“What do you mean ‘distract’?” I asked. “That isn’t a strategy game. You’d look better in this than me.”
She dropped my hair, talking to face me. “Besides, you like this style, don’t you? In the daytime, you wear cute clothes. But at night, you’ve been hiding behind bags. I refuse to believe that there isn’t a reason for that.”
I wasn’t sure how she knew what I wore at night, but her observations weren’t incorrect. There were two reasons for that, though. But for the main… “I have different pajamas with me,” I told her. “But I don’t want anyone to make fun of me.”
Maria burst into laughter. “Why in the world would anyone make fun of you?”
“Because I look weird,” I muttered, finding it difficult to maintain eye contact. “And the thought of people looking at me is scary. Even Finn makes faces.”
“Scary? Okay, just stop.” Maria put her hand in front of her. “What are you scared of? And don’t mind Finn—he makes faces at everything.”
“Are you close to him?” I asked, happy for this perfect distraction. From her tone, it didn’t sound like she hated him. “You’re both Er Bashous?”
Maria’s face froze briefly, and when she spoke, there was hesitance. “Well, yes,” she said. “But he hasn’t been around much.”
I paused, reflecting. “You know, I’ve been wondering,” I began, and for the first time, a stab of guilt twisted in my stomach. “Do you think it was because of me?”
She stared at me, pursing her lips.
“I mean, he was always with me at school. And he had...” I paused, glancing at the ceiling. How to describe this without seeming like a weakling? “We did a lot of things together.”
She glanced away, grumbling. “ ‘Just a friend,’ my ass.”
“What?”
“Yes.” Maria sighed. “Honestly, it is probably why. But I wouldn’t feel guilty over it—now that we’re starting to know the whole story, none of the Officers hold it against him. It is a part of his job to protect the Xing.”
“A… job?” I glanced at the floor. He’d said once—that I was a responsibility.
Did that mean that he never did see me as a friend?
“Don’t overthink it,” Maria said, rolling her shoulders. “We’ve managed. Finn is my controller, and I’ve compensated by working with Titus. Being near Titus—and seeing Damen—helps me.”
“What would you do if you didn’t work with Titus?” Now I felt bad for her.
Maria’s grin faded, and a thoughtful expression crossed her face. “I wonder.”
“What?” I prodded.
She blinked, her focus returning to me. “Something more suited to my personality. Now, speaking of. Don’t think I haven’t noticed,” she said, circling to face me. “You didn’t answer my question. Why are you scared? Why won’t you wear what you want when you are alone with the boys? Why do you even have Finn’s pants?”
Oh my Lord, she could smell him. It was true—somehow, his pants had gotten mixed with my clothes, and I had worn them for modesty’s sake. Did Titus know their origins too? This was so humiliating.
“Bianca?” Maria peered at me, and my face warmed under her look.
