Page 62 of Ashes and Lilies
I couldn’t keep a secret from her. “I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea,” I said, pushing my toes against the carpet. “At first, I thought they were monks, so I didn’t want to get in between them and their mission. But now…”
I paused, tugging on the bottom of my shirt again. “I like this style, but…”
Maria sounded as if she was torn between seriousness and humor. “But what?”
I couldn’t answer her question. There was no way to describe my feelings, and I still had no idea if the boys even were flirting with me for sure. Things had been so much better when I thought they couldn’t have sex.
I had nothing to offer them. My life was a mess.
In a perfect world, it might have worked. I would have been confident and fearless. A self-assured woman who was comfortable in my skin. I would have married a man who loved me and had multiple children. I really did long for a house to call home, complete with a white picket fence in a lovely forest setting. I’d have cooked and gardened and made sure my family was happy. I would never have hurt my children. I would have given them everything I’d lacked.
I wanted normal. But, even before the revelation of my magical identity, it wasn’t possible.
Maria sighed. I glanced up to see she was pinching her nose. “Who cares about what they think? In the end, it comes down to you doing what you want. If they weren’t here, would you want to wear these pajamas?” she asked, gesturing toward me.
“Yes…” It felt stupid, but perhaps this was the first step toward becoming a new woman. Maria wasn’t wrong. I really shouldn’t change for others. I knew that. After all, Jiayi wore what she wanted, and she was confident.
“Good.” Maria was back to touching me, returning the jewelry to its previous place. She ended by placing the crown on my head—as I’d already acquired it throughout the game—then grinned, pulling out her phone. “You look adorable. Now, it’s time to get back. Hopefully, Miles has proven himself to be a man.”
13
Julian had returnedby the time we walked into the room, although he was wearing the most peculiar expression. It made me hesitant to announce myself.
That hadn’t taken long.
But Maria had no such qualms about interrupting their conversation. “We’re back!” she announced. The boys jumped as she bounded into the room and returned to her cushion. “Now it’s time to kick your ass, Montrone!”
I fidgeted and silently cursed her for leaving me alone in the doorway. Where was our sisterhood? Wasn’t she supposed to help me?
My heart was thundering as Damen half-heartedly glanced in my direction. “What do you…” His voice trailed off, and my self-consciousness reared its ugly head.
This was bad. What other reason would have Miles looking so pale? Julian, in the meantime, was unable to tear his gaze awayfrom me.
And Damen?
Well, apparently, the sight of me was so awful that he seemed about to cry.
“Damn it, Maria!” Damen’s voice shattered the heavy silence, causing me to flinch. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
“What’s your problem?” Maria crossed her arms, glaring. “She looks adorable, and she likes it. Suck it up and be a gentleman.”
Damen was rubbing his eyes with his fists, purging the sight of me from his retinas. “You know what my problem is!”
Julian snapped to attention, his vision drifting between me and Damen. “Damen, wait. Think before you—”
“What the hell were you thinking?” Damen growled, ignoring Julian. He pointed in my direction. “You can’t expect me to be happy when she looks like that. It’s torture.”
Torture.
Tears filled my vision as his words cut through me. “I’m sorry…”
I thought it was okay to do what I liked, especially because they’d seen me basically naked before. And besides, I was still completely covered. But now I knew they had acted kindly because they were nice people.
Everyone’s eyes snapped toward me, and Damen paled.
“Hold on, baby girl. That’s not what I—” he began, shooting out of his chair as he reached for me. But I stepped back.
“You idiot!” Julian glared at him. “What happened to your smooth-talking?”
