Page 81 of Ashes and Lilies
The flash of hurt in his expression vanished as quickly as it’d come, and his surprise shifted to suspicion. “It’s not something that happens without intent,” he said, critical gaze moving over me as I struggled to catch my breath. “I can control when and how I do it. You don’t need to be worried. I’d never read your memories without permission.”
“I don’t give permission!” I told him.
“That’s fine.” Julian was still watching me in that hair-raising way. “I expected as much—you’ve never been one to share your secrets.”
“Good.” My voice sounded strange. I sat forward and wrapped one arm around my stomach, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear with the other.
“The only exception would be if you were in physical danger,” Julian continued, and I froze. “And you would be unable to consent.”
“O-of course.” I was breathless. I could never be in such a state near him.
“Bianca.” Julian brushed his thumb over my right eyebrow. “What are you afraid of? What makes you panic at the thought that I might find out?”
“N-noth—” I began, but my throat closed, so instead, I said, “Don’t look at my memories.” I held his hand over my racing heart. “Please!”
He was quiet, and I could see the indecisiveness turning in his thoughts before his lips turned down, and he looked away. “Fine,” he said. “But Bianca, I wish you’d trust us.”
My tongue felt large in my mouth as I nodded.
“Julian.” Detective Kohler had broken away from the crowd and approached the car. “Is everything all right here?”
I looked at the ground, still struggling to regain my composure.
“We’re fine.” Julian turned, balancing his weight on his feet, and looked at his grandfather. “You got here fast.”
“I was already in the area,” Detective Kohler replied, and I could feel his gaze lingering on me. “And you,” he asked. “Did you get hurt?”
I clenched my fists over my knees as I shook my head.
“Good,” he replied. There was an awkward pause before he spoke again. “I did what you said, and you were right.”
I kept my chin lowered but glanced at him, and he added, “The bat flowers are about to bloom.”
“Really?” My attention perked, and my mood lifted. “I’m glad.”
“Good,” the detective said once more. Julian was watching him, forehead wrinkled in thought, as the other man waved his hand and stepped away.
“Where are you going now?” Julian asked him.
“Work,” the older man replied. “We’ll talk later. I have a few leads that I’m looking into as well. Just continue to keep an eye on her.”
Julian pursed his lips as he watched his grandfather walk away.
I movedto the passenger seat shortly after Detective Kohler left, and Julian drove us away from the hospital. A heaviness in the air lingered of things left unsaid between us, and I knew that despite my reassurances, Julian still had doubts.
But…
I tried to allow Julian’s crypt music's melodious tune to wash away my fears—except the sound wasn’t very soothing at all, and nothing could distract me from my anxious thoughts. I wanted so much to impress my quintet, for them not to think I was a loser. And Julian might be the one who could most easily shatter my illusion.
It was so hard to keep pretending, especially lately. How was I supposed to function when the very things I’d been doing so well to avoid in the past kept popping up and breaking through my defenses?
I touched my sleeve-covered fingers to my face, dabbing at the wetness that pooled in the corner of my eyes.
“Okay,” Julian said suddenly, and I tensed as he turned the car into a small, gravel parking lot. The area was surrounded by forest on three sides, and off to the right, I could glimpse the overgrown entrance leading toward a walking trail.
Julian pulled into one of the unmarked spaces and put the vehicle in ‘park.’
“Bianca,” he said, turning to me in his seat. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
