Page 110 of Reflections of Peonies
In all my lifetimes loving Mu, detachment came easily when duty called, but Bianca was different. She was Mu reborn, yet fundamentally changed in a way I couldn’t explain.
“Why are you upset?” I asked, pulling her close.
“Are you angry?” she asked, burying her face in my chest instead of answering.
My arms tightened around her shoulders, and I pushed her back to see her face. “Why would I be angry?”
“Because everyone says you’re really smart.” Her voice was almost a whisper. “But I can’t focus anymore. Everything feels overwhelming, and I don’t know what to do.”
The weight of her words sank in. I could sense the conflict within her—the pressure she put on herself to live up to expectations, the fear of disappointing those around her. But she didn’t realize that none mattered to me, not when she was struggling like this.
“Bianca, look at me,” I said gently, tilting her chin so our eyes met. “I’m not angry at you. I don’t care about the lectures or whatanyone else thinks. What matters is you—what you need, what will make you feel better.”
She searched my eyes as if trying to find a hint of disappointment or judgment. But I wasn’t going to give her any reason to doubt me.
“If you need time off from school, take it. It’s okay,” I continued, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “No one is going to hold it against you. Least of all me.”
“Are you sure it’s okay?” she asked.
“Of course,” I replied. “We just want you to be happy.”
Her skin flushed, and my mouth went dry. What else could I do?
“Hey,” I began. The others would mock me for this, but she’d seemed so excited. “What about if we go out and look at motorcycles? Is there a particular one you’re thinking of?” When she didn’t respond, I added, “I’ll put it on your tab.” This seemed to be the only way she’d accept money. Hopefully she wasn’t keeping a close accounting, because of course we had no intention of taking money from her later.
“Okay then!” The tears cleared as she looked at me, and she nodded, determined. “I want a sidecar rig!”
“A…” I lowered my hand as shock filled me. “What?”
Surely she didn’t mean…
“I’ve been wanting to do sidecar racing for years!” Why did she sound so excited at this—of all things? “It’ll be fun.”
Fun…
I wasn’t so sure about that. Of all the things she could’ve been interested in, I’d never expected this. Although to be fair, I probably should have. Brayden was already heavily involved in the sport.
“Sidecar racing?” I repeated, hoping I’d misheard. But theeager look in her eyes told me I hadn’t. “You’ve really looked into this?”
She nodded, her expression glowing. It was rare to see her this animated, and while I wanted to encourage it, the idea of her doing this made my stomach churn.
“Yeah! I’ve watched videos and read about the techniques—it looks amazing!”
I swallowed hard, my mind spinning. How could Finn not have warned us?
The last thing I wanted was to let her down, but the thought of her on a bike, even in a sidecar, was enough to make me second-guess everything. “Bianca… are you sure this is something you want to do?”
“Absolutely!” she said with a nod. “I know I’ll love it. Besides, if you drive, I’ll feel safe.”
I felt my resolve waver, caught between wanting to make her happy and the instinct to protect her from anything that could put her at risk. “I just… I don’t know if it’s the best idea,” I admitted, trying to keep my voice steady. “It’s dangerous, Bianca.”
She tilted her head, her excitement dimming just a little. “But you’ll be there with me. And we could make it our thing! Something just for us.”
Something just for us. The words hit me hard, pulling at emotions I didn’t even realize I had. I could see how much this meant to her, making it even harder to say no. “I’ll think about it,” I finally said, forcing a small smile. “But we need to be careful, okay?”
“Okay,” she agreed, her smile returning as she reached out and squeezed my hand.
Looking down at her, I couldn’t help but feel a mixture of pride and dread. She was determined, and I knew there was noway I could talk her out of this. I’d have to figure out how to make it work—to keep her safe while giving her what she wanted.
