Page 54 of Brambles and Bellflowers
Not yet.
I pressed my chin over my forearms and stared into the burning firepit. Everything had gotten so fucked up, and it was entirely my fault.
Mu always pointed out my faults, my weaknesses. I should have been used to this.
Why, then, did it feel so much different? How was I supposed to approach her?
“As much as it pains me to say this, you could always just be yourself,” Julian said.
I glanced up, startled. I wasn’t aware I’d spoken my last thought out loud.
“You’ve been muttering again,” Julian told me. He was sitting across the fire as he angrily poked a sharp stick into the flames. His fevered ferocity reminded me of how once, in a past life, he’d tried to stab me in the heart. Thankfully, we’d grown past our rivalry. Befriending the necromancer had been a good decision—he sometimes gave wise counsel.
Not as good as Miles, though, who was the reason we were here. Nor Bianca, who was the cause of my current distress. But beggars couldn’t be choosers.
“Be myself?” I clarified. I wasn’t sure how that would help anything.
“Not yourusualself.” Julian gritted, stabbing the fire even harder. “For the love of God, do not be your usual self. Be your real self. Why can’t you swallow your pride and be honest? You’re way over the top. You know she hates theatrics.”
“She likes it when I take care of her,” I pointed out. “And when I flirt.”
Julian rolled his eyes, tossed the charred stick into the flames, and snatched another from the ground. He flipped open his pocketknife and began to cut into his newest acquisition. “Forsome reason,” he began, gritting his teeth, “she says she likes it—”
“She does like it,” I interrupted. “She blushes.”
“—but you need to tone it down. I’ve told you this before.”
“But—”
“You made her angry,” Titus interjected from his lounging position. He moved his forearm from his eyes as he looked at me accusingly.
“That’s fine. She neededto get angry.” I frowned at him. “She was going to internalize her emotions until she made herself sick. She finally admits that something happened, at least, so now it’s time to move past avoidance.”
“In herown time,” Julian said. “That was what you told me when we first realized she’d been abused.”
I felt myself tense. “That was then,” I told him. “Now that we know the true extent of it, we’ve no choice but to intervene. The truth is far worse than we previously assumed, and she has not been getting any better since she was first adopted.”
“But she wasn’t upset about her past,” Titus added. “She was angry about the way you’ve been treating her.”
“Great job,” Julian echoed sarcastically.
“You can’t just make her angry for any random reason,” Titus said, rolling to his side.
“You’ve been studying humans forever, yet you’ve learned nothing.” Julian had decided his new stick was pointy enough and returned to stabbing at the kindling. “I’m amazed you’re about to get your doctorate.”
“Ha-ha.” I frowned at them. How dare they bring up my shame. “It’s not like you two are any better. We’re all behind in our training.”
Julian sighed, his movements stilling. “We need Miles to step up.”
“I thought you were afraid.” Titus shot Julian a surprised look. “Wasn’t that why you were happy he left?”
“I wasn’t afraid, and I wasn’t happy he left.” Julian pointed his stick at Titus. “Bianca was upset.”
“But you don’t want him to get stronger either,” Titus pointed out. “You love having free reign, and you know he’ll put a stop to your little party.”
“Mind your business,” the necromancer calmly replied. “While I prefer things this way, it doesn’t mean I can’t adapt.”
Before I could interject, the eerie hoot of a great-horned owl sounded through the forest, the first sound beside us in a while. Bianca had been quiet since disappearing, and I’d hesitated to bother her.
