Page 225 of Bitten & Burned
“Ifeel like…” I let out a frustrated cry. “Like such an idiot… gods, I’ve been researching this formonths. Workingso hardto-to-to try and figure this out. Working hardbesideSilas, and he knew,he knewthere was no cure!”
“Rowena… please calm down…”
“Calm down?Calm down? You shouldn’t be so calm, Vael. You should be furious. Why aren’t you furious? He’s been wasting our time… And for… and for…” I couldn’t even get it out.
“I am, but it does no good to scream, Rowena. To cry. We’ll get through this.”
“You’llget through it,” I shouted. “But I will have to live with this godsdamned sigil until I die. I’ll have it there as a constant reminder that I amnothingbut a pretty face and a potential hole tofuck, because that is all anyone sees when they look at me!”
“Rowena!” Vael flinched at my words, but I yanked my hand away, turning towards the conservatory. I stomped away, feeling the floorboards quake and my sigil pulse with pain as it radiated up my leg and into my hip.
I stopped to scream. To grip my hair and sob.
“I have to be in pain because somemanwanted me? I’m in pain forever becausea man wanted me? Do you know howfucked upthat is?” I shrieked.
“Rowena… darling please…” Vael wasn’t alone now; Anton and Quil were with him, Quil’s eyes wide, Anton looking as if he wanted to reach for me.
“I am a person, I am a godsdamned person, and I am not a prize, I’m not a thing, a trophy to put on a shelf. I am more than a pretty face, I am… I’m me, I’m me, and he took that.He dared totake that from me because he wanted me?” Tears were running freely now. “How are my life and my autonomy less important than some old man’s prick? Huh? Answer me that, Vael. You’ve got all the answers.Tell me that!”
I could see the conservatory, so I hurried off towards it, tripping over a stone tile and banging my elbow on the door as I got there.
A few stacks of parchment lay on my desk. Months and months of research on runes, on sigils, on blood magic. All of it was a testament to what Silas Drummond had taken from me.
I took the stacks over to the fire and began to throw them. I crumpled each page and tossed them first one by one, then increasingly frantically, into the fire. I threw some so hard that sparks flew out onto the rug, but I didn’t care.I didn’t care.
I was broken forever because a man wanted to fuck me and couldn’t. And Vael wanted me to calm down?
I was cut off from my goddess because a man wished to own me. Inera, save me, I couldn’t bear this.
“Rowena, stop this at once, you are more than this!” Vael stalked over and held onto the stack of papers with his hand so I couldn’t throw more of them into the fire.
“Am I, Vael?Am I? Because right now I feel like this ball of anger and rage, andthis is what the anger and rage want, Vael! They want it all to burn!”
“You’re allowing him to take your humanity from you, Rowena, don’t do this,” he pleaded as I yanked the papers from him again. The others were at the door. The bond was chaos. Everyone wanted different things. I knew what I wanted.
“My humanity?My humanity?” I screeched, throwing another stack of paper into the fire. “My humanity is tied up in pain. Forever in pain. I feel italways, Vael. Always, and it will neverevergo away. And you want me to roll over and take it? Easy for you when you don’t have this…” I whipped up my skirt to show him the sigil, blood dripping down my leg. “... To deal with. And you never will.” I tore more paper free and tossed it into the fireplace. Freeing. All of it. Freeing.
He set his jaw. “Witchling. I love you. I will never understand what you’re going through, but you must stop this. Please. You’re going to hurt yourself more. You’re going to burn yourself or worse, so please. I don’t want to restrain you, but I will.”
“No, you won’t,” I hissed, tossing in the rest I had in my hands. “You will not.”
“What’s going on?” Cassian stood at the door.
“She’s destroying her work because Rellin told her there’s no cure for this sigil, that it’s never going away. So she’s having a…” Vael trailed off.
“A perfectly sanctioned and understandable breakdown,” Anton filled in. “Let her be.”
“She’s… Vael’s right, she might hurt herself,” Quil added. “I don’t think restraining her is the answer, though.”
“She doesn’t need restraining,” Dmitri said calmly. “She needs someone to hear her.
“Believe me, we’re all hearing her,” Vael snapped.
“Enough,” Cassian said, his voice drowning Vael’s. “Stop snarling at each other andlisten.”
I turned to Vael. “You haven’t listened to a thing I said,” I croaked. “You’ve only heard how loud I am.”
“We’re listening, darling,” Anton assured me. “We just want to help.”
