Page 33 of Bitten & Burned
“You don’t,” he finished. A warning, perhaps. Or something else entirely.
I swallowed. I should have left. Should have backed out. Shouldn’t let him look at me like that. Like I was prey. Like he was hungry. But, gods help me, I liked it.What is wrong with me?
“I’m just looking for Vael,” I replied, soft but steady. I squared my shoulders a bit.
His jaw twitched. He looked like a cord about to snap. A string on a bow. I rejected the urge to back away again. I stood my ground.
“Keep looking,” he growled. “I’m the only one here.”
I nodded once. Terse. Perfunct. Done. I didn’t thank him. Shouldn’t have to. He hadn’t done anything. I left as quickly as I’d arrived. On a breath and a whisper. I was halfway down the hall when I heard the door close.
I wasn’t certain where Vael was, but it wasn’t in the library.And now, I was flustered. All the confidence I’d picked up from my time spent with Anton was gone. Used up. Burned up in a tiny wisp of smoke the second I saw Quil.
I just started walking when I closed the door to the library. My feet moved, one in front of the other, until I was standing at the opposite end of the manor. Near the study. Cassian’s study.
The walls were covered in maps. Cassian’s old armor was on a mannequin in the corner. It was old, but he kept it perfectly polished. He had weapons on the walls. Shields. Short swords. Scimitars. Throwing daggers, sharpened to deadly points. A greatsword taller than I was. Heavier too, by the look of it.
I spotted him over at the fire, his pipe in hand, sweet smoke billowing as he puffed on it.
When he stood like this, as relaxed as he ever was, vigilant but at ease, it was apparent how large he was. He towered over me, but so did all of them. Instead of sheer mass, which put Dmitri ahead by far, it was by presence. His presence dwarfed all the rest. He could fill a room by simply standing in it.
“Good evening, Rowena,” he said without looking at me. “Did you sleep well?”
I wanted to answer truthfully, but I wasn’t certain if Cassian was asking to ask or to make conversation, so I answered the best I could.
“As well as to be expected,” I said, trying and failing to sound light.
He was quiet for a moment, thoughtfully puffing on his pipe. “Were your rooms to your liking? Were you warm enough? I could make sure your fireplace is stoked before you retire.”
Ah, so he’d seen through that careful veil, had he?
“Everything was fine, I just… I have a difficult time sleeping alone in new places,” I explained.
“Vael would be happy to join you, I’m sure.”
“I know he would, I just… need to figure this out on my own. I don’t want to be codependent on someone else for something as simple as sleep.”
He chuckled softly. “You’re a very independent sort of woman, aren’t you? No… person. You’re an independent person.” It was a statement, not a question. “Apologies, didn’t mean to appear misogynistic.”
“You didn’t,” I replied, wanting to chuckle at his genuineness. “Iam, or I try to be… contrary to popular belief around here.”
He did chuckle at that. Warm. Comfortable. He looked at me, his gaze strong enough to both take me apart and put me back together again. “Quil’s isn’t the popular belief around here. Quil is just Quil.”
“I know, but… sometimes the negative words?—”
“They ring the loudest,” Cassian finished. “Yes, that’s the trouble with true balance. Enough weight isn’t given to negativity. It weighs so much more. To have equality, you must go by weight, not volume. Many don’t realize this and wonder why they’re never happy with what they perceive to be balance.”
I relaxed a bit. Talking to him was easy. That was different. He didn’t make me feel small. Or tall. Just equal.“Yeah, I’ve realized it. Not sure what to do with it, but I’ve realized it, alright.”
“You’re free to come in here anytime to try and achieve balance if… other things are too much weight. I would enjoy another round of chess when you feel able,” he added, a twinkle in his eye.
“Chess sounds fun. Maybe tomorrow? I’ve probably spent too much time in here as it is… You looked… busy.”
“Busy doing what? Staring into the flames?”
“I don’t know.. Thinking? Musing?”
“I’m not a soldier any longer, Rowena. I don’t have things to think about or muse about, only hypotheticals. Chess is the closest thing to combat in my life right now.”
