Page 39 of Where the Dark Knelt
He hugged me again and became quite animated in his conversation. “Mandywants to do some gigs with us. She didn’t stop raving about you last night. Do you sing, Lily?” he asked.
“Sure, not like Mandy though.”
He smiled. “Mandy is… Mandy,” he offered by way of an explanation. “I want us to develop, so we need to sing too. Would youdo that?”
I swallowed, telling myself I could do this. “Sure.” I gulped.
“If you are serious, perhaps we could jam together and rehearse some material over the next couple ofweeks in the evenings and put a set together?” His eyes searched my face waiting for my response.
“Sure! I’d love that. I’m so excited about this.” I fidgeted nervously with my guitar strap and hugged him yet again.
Will noticed my sudden shyness. “C’mere.” He pulled me closer by my waist into another hug, and my hand came up to rest on his forearm. Typically, Alfie appeared when I was in Will’s arms again. We moved apart just as Alfie strode passed us.Alfie looked annoyed but kept his mouth shut, got in his car, and drove off.
Part of me wanted to run to Alfie to explain, but he told me he didn’t care about me seeing anyone else, even though he looked irritated every time he saw me with Will. I began to wonder if he was as unaffected by the thought of me being with someone else as he said he was, which would mean that he was feeling something for me.
I decidedto test this by creating some space between us. Maybe it would give me some perspective on all of this too.If I stayed away from him, would he start to miss me?So there and then, I decided that sex was off the menu right now.
Meanwhile, I wanted to concentrate all my efforts on getting to know Will and putting the best set together we could.
As Saffyhad quickly become obsessive about me working closely with Will, I asked her to meet me for coffee so that I could smooth things out with her. I hadn’t spent a lot of time with her since I’d arrived and was feeling a bad friend, but to be fair, she spent time with Will when I didn’t.
This caused a strainin our friendship because I felt she blamed me for the times Will didn’t see her.
We entered the coffee shop, and I ordered two skinny lattes and some coffee cake from the barista before sitting down at the far end of the coffee shop, choosing a seat away from the other customers. This ensured we weren’t disturbed.Saffystared out the window, but there was a car directly in front of it so she couldn’t see much. I knew she was doing it because she was angry.
“I’m glad we could get together,Saffy. I really wanted to spend some time with you.”
She snorted at me. “You did? I’m surprised.” She looked hostile and flicked her hair behind her shoulder. I’d already felt the tension from her on the short drive here.
“You have been going on about what you’ve both been doing all the time. Do you have a crush on Will, Lily?”
My jaw dropped because she was way off the mark.“Saffy, what Will and I are doing is just like any other people that team up to work closely together.” Smiling, I reached out to place my hand over her forearm as she held her coffee.
“If Will was a police officer and I was his female partner,you wouldn’t be able to do anything about that. Would you be upset if he spent ten hours working with me then?” I asked. “There’s no comparison, is there?”
Saffysniffed, and I continued to help put this into context for her. “How different is it? They would be partnered together for a reason because it made sense to put them together, or because of their skill mix. Can’t you see this is the same with us? Will benefits from me and my instrument. I can play with most students here, but Will can’t. He is an exceptional saxophone player, but the sax is a little more of a niche instrument.”
Sighing, I felt sorry for her. “Your manhas a lot oftalent,Saffy. Playing his instrument alone doesn’t get him a huge amount of attention. There isn’t as much work unless he does jazz music. He might get the occasional piece, but he doesn’t want to be pigeon-holed into one genre of music. He needs my help to show people how versatile he can be. It’s easier to do a set with a guitarist, or in a band. There are very few saxophonists who do more than play jazz.”
Smiling warmly at her, I said gently, “Will doesn’t want to be restricted in that way. He needs someone like me, and possibly Mandy, who are willing to help him get the break he deserves. Don’t think I’m doing this selflessly either, he brings out a side to my performance that’s been lacking, and I’m learning heaps of new stuff from him every day, so the deal is both ways.” I sat back and waited for her to digest my comment.
Saffylooked close to tears. I felt for her, she really didn’t get it. “Look, Saffy, I can see that Will is special to you, but he’s special to me too, but not for any other reason than a bond through our music. Will’s music and friendship will continue with me no matter how you play this. He already knows we’re good together musically, and if I don’t work with him someone else will. We’re students, this is part of our study. I’m sorry if that makes you feel jealous, you are my best friend for goodness sake. No man will ever change that. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but if you persist with your possessiveness, he is the kind of guy to walk away.”
A tear fell fromSaffy’sface onto her hand, and I passed her my napkin. She blew her nose and looked sadly at me.
“Will’s music needs to come first right now,Saffy, he’s on the verge of doing something with it for life, and you need to understand this. He’d be doing it with or without me. Besides, would you really prefer him with another person, maybe another girl? He could be with someone that you hadno clue about. At least with me you know where he is, and what he’s doing, because I tell you.”
She put her head down, and I bent my head to look under her bangs to make eye contact.“He’s working with me when we’re together. We’re not just hanging out.”
Saffygave me a watery smile, her eyes welling up, and smiled wryly at me. “I’m just so into him, you know?”
Rubbing her back, I tried to sooth her, “Damn,Saffy, you’ve got it bad, girl,” I teased. She agreed with me that she needed to tone her controlling behavior down or risk losing Will though.
“Thanks for making me see straight.” She gave me a small smile.
The next fourweeks were hectic for both Will and me. We all but moved in together to work, spending every waking moment trying to put a set together. We worked seven days a week rehearsing and getting ready to raise our profile as artists.
The money was important to Will as well.I had found the courage to sing three numbers, and I surprised myself by feeling okay about that. Will, Mandy, andSaffyall told me that my voice was fabulous. Personally, I felt I was obviously not hearing what they were.
