Page 50 of Where the Dark Knelt
He was rugged, but strikingly handsome at the same time, another charmer. No doubt about it, Max was extremely attractive, and he had probably had many women already.
He wasn’t at all nervous about having sex, and he didn’t appear to have any inhibitions.I began to think this might just be a ‘male thing’, and that men viewed sex differently than women.
I was still staring at him when my cell buzzed again. I gingerly walked to the balcony. I didn’t want to disturb Max and glanced down at the screen. Alfie was texting me, and I suddenly felt guilty about what Max and I had done.
There were a few times last night when Alfie crept into my mind, but I had pushed those thoughts aside because I told myself that unlike him, Max was emotionally connected to me.Being with Max taught me that I didn’t want to have a meaningless relationship with someone, no matter how good the sex was.
SEXPERT: Still missing you.Your company gone yet?
I felt like one of those slutty girls I’d known in school, sleeping with one guy and texting another. It was like all the movies I’d ever seen about a love triangle, minus the lovepart. The good guy was asleep on the couch and the bad-ass guy was still managing to command my attention.
Pink Lady: No he’s very much still here.
SEXPERT: Very much? … Come see me.
Pink Lady: Sorry I can’t. I need to spend time with him here.
SEXPERT: When does he leave?
Pink Lady: Sunday.
SEXPERT: Sunday?? Hope the dude keeps his dick in his pants and his hands to himself.
I thought his comment was strange, given the arrangement we had. From the behavior he displayed around me with other women he was the last person that got to make comments like that.
Pink Lady: Umm… that’s not your business.
SEXPERT: You fucked him?
Pink Lady: Hmm… I’m supposed to disclose my life outside of our arrangement? What happened to no-strings?
SEXPERT: Ominous answer
Pink Lady: Fair point I’m making, I think.
SEXPERT: He must be good if you’re turning me down, cuz I know that I am.
Pink Lady: I’ve neither confirmed nor denied anything, nor do I intend on doing so.
SEXPERT: Huh. So… you did fuck him, otherwise that would have been a straight no.
Pink Lady: No comment.
SEXPERT: So… are we doing this?
Pink Lady: The arrangement?
SEXPERT: Is our arrangement under threat?
Fair question Alfie, is it?I really liked spending time with him, but my feelings were growing, and I knew I was going to get badly burned. Just seeing him again the other day after allthose weeks confirmed I had feelings for him, and it sent my mind into chaos.
Falling hard for Alfie was something I could do very easily, and that would be a terrible idea. Maybe being with Max helped me realize that I couldn’t settle for sex without an emotional connection.
Thinking I could handle Alfie,and the excitement of doing something so reckless, probably made me feel truly free for the first time in my life.
The idea of doing something that wrong had excited me; he excited me, butI was stupid to think that I could fall into something as casual as what he offered me. Especially, with someone as addictive as I had found Alfie was to me. The guy was right, he had given me some special feelings, but it left me feeling like I was just an object of his desire.
The guy wasn’t going to let our arrangement go anywhere. The reality wasn’t a healthy situation for me. As much as I liked him, I knew then that I needed to get out before it was too late. It would only end in disaster.
