Page 57 of Where the Dark Knelt
I’VE GOT TO BE ME
Isighed heavily which broke the silence between us. “I’m fine Will, I’m partly to blame too. I allowed it to happen. I got involved too quickly.” He stopped walking and turned to face me and brushed the last of my tears with his knuckles. His face was desolate, and I could see that it broke his heart to see me so unhappy.
“I knew it was a risk to get with Max.Here’s the thing, I had no experience of sexual relationships until the week before I came to live here, but ever since I’ve made some pretty epic mistakes.” I knew I needed to learn from them and learn fast.
I sniffed and stared at Will.“I’m only sorry that you had to be involved in this at all, Will. It isn’t your place to support me when the simple truthof the matter is,I’ve given myself too easily.”
Will looked seriouslyat me and shook his head. “It’s only one relationship, Lily, don’t let it affect you.” He looked at me supportively. Only it wasn’t one relationship with Sam and Alfie too.Sleeping with both my best girlfriends’ brothers?Having a ‘fuckbuddy’?My sex life so far… It sounded like a bad B movie in the making.
Willput his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it sympathetically, then cuddled me tightly and drew little circles on my shoulders with his thumbs. He gave me a small smile again. “Hey, come on, we’ll get you home,” he mumbled softly. Will started driving me home, and promised he’d pick me up in the morning to bring me back to college to collect my car.
When we arrived back, he came up to the apartment with me. “Let’s go to the beach and jam together.” I didn’t really feel like it, but he was right, I needed to move on as quickly as possible or this could consume me. He began organizing me. “Okay, girlie, get your sunscreen and hat, we can’t allow your fair ass to fry out there! I’mgonnahead to the surf store for some shorts, when I get back I expect you stripped and ready for the beach.” He strode to the door and it banged closed as he left to buy something more fitting to wear for the beach.
What he bought transformed him from Will, the cool sax player, to Will, the hot surfer dude. Fabulous looking, in the red and white surfer shorts and the white sleeveless T-shirt he was already wearing, I was a little surprised by his great physique. I had never really noticed him in that way before.
Will was a great-looking guy, with his messy, chestnut brown hair; today it looked so shiny he could model for a hair product company.He was quite powerfully built, and I wondered again why I hadn’t noticed this before. I mean, I’d seen him in his boxers that one time, but I was too mortified then to take in what he looked like. Anyway, I’d never really noticed because he was withSaffy.
I whistled appreciatively, teasing him. “Damn! You’re ahottie,Will, a damn fine specimen.” I wiggled my brows at him. Will grinned, kind of embarrassed and chuffed at the same time.
“Yeah, I know,” he said, nodding and checking himself out, behaving as if he were in love with himself.
Launchinginto an overacted scene, Will added playfully, “Why, thank you, ma’am…” then added, “Hey, I thought you were off men?”
I paused, putting my fingers to my chin pretending that I was contemplating what he’d just said. I began tapping my lips, pretending to think.
Chuckling, I threw my head back. “Definitely! No guy is getting in my panties without being totally emotionally connected and hanging on my every word, and even then, he’ll have to beg. I am going to concentrate on leaving the passion in the bedroom to others and put mine into my music from now on, at least it won’t fuck me over,” I insisted determinedly.
“Attagirl!”he growled, grinning devilishly at me.
My mood began to liftand I pretended to give Will my best seductive look. I leaned in and whispered, “As for you, looking great in those board shorts, who says I can’t still window shop?”
Giving him a mock exaggerated look of appreciation, my eyes widened, like I was objectifying him. “I mean, I appreciate the finer things in store windows all the time… it doesn’t mean I have to buy anything… does it?”
Will grinned, leaning back, his hands stretched out to the sides pretending to give me a better view. “You like what you see, huh?” hesaid in a slow southern drawl and turned nodding his head. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, pretending to flirt with me.
Laughing loudly, it felt good to have someone I could just be me around, without any demands on our relationship. I was beginning to really value Will as a friend and his loyalty to me.
What made it even better was that he seemed tocareabout me. Will and I were honest with each other, and I hoped that it would always be like that between us.
“Lily girl, you are a wonderful, sweet, gorgeous female, you’re going to work this out. I know it hurts a lot right now. By next month, it will hurt a little less, a month after that. Max, who’s Max?” He looked wistful for a split second then it was gone.
“Been there, huh?” I asked.
Tapping on his heart silently, he nodded. “It’s getting there.”I took that as a yes.
We headed for the beach, the feel of the sun, the smell of the sea and the warmth of our friendship enhanced our music and lifted my mood no end.
Amazing scenery helped us to be productive, with ideas and new material flowing. It was a lot of fun and our easy conversation and similar thoughts about music helped bond us closer during the day.
I was messing around with some chords when something I played triggered the memory of a song for Will, and he started to sing it. “You know that song?” I looked incredulously at him, rising to my knees on the towel then sitting back on my heels. I didn’t think that band had cracked it in the USA.
Will replied, “Idon't knowabout that, but I heard the track when I was in London, so I downloaded it to myiPod. It brings back happy memories for me.”
I grinned. I loved that song. “Will! It’s one of my favorite songs. Can we sing it together?” I pleaded. My hands were held in prayer in front of him.
I began to play the introduction to “Come Up and See me” by Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel. We both started belting it out, not really caring that we were making noise around some sleepy sunbathers.
We weren’t even sure that the words we were singing werethe right ones, but they fit the music, and I felt some of the stress leave me.I felt like I was home for a few minutes.
