Page 25 of Exorcise Me
Something flickered in his eyes—recognition, perhaps even a hint of pride, quickly suppressed. “And if this ‘truth’ you’re seeking leads you away from your calling? From the Church? From God Himself?”
It was the question I’d been asking myself for weeks. I considered my answer carefully.
“My calling was never to the Church as an institution,” I said slowly. “It was to help people facing darkness they don’t understand. To stand between the vulnerable and forces that might harm them.” I straightened in my chair. “That calling hasn’t changed. If anything, it’s grown stronger as my understanding has deepened.”
Father Yarrow leaned forward. “And this demon—Lucien—supports this calling?”
The question surprised me with its lack of judgment. “He does,” I confirmed. “He’s helped me understand which cases involve actual malevolent entities and which are medical or psychological in nature. He’s made me a better exorcist, not a worse one.”
“A demon helping an exorcist,” Father Yarrow mused, his academic curiosity clearly engaged despite his reservations. “It’s unprecedented.”
“It’s heresy,” Father Oxley declared. “This Council cannot condone such a perversion of our sacred calling.”
Father Finnegan held up a hand, silencing further debate. “Noah, we need to discuss this matter privately. Please wait in the antechamber.”
I nodded, rising from my chair. As I walked toward the side door he indicated, Father Finnegan caught my eye.
“For what it’s worth,” he said quietly, “I believe you believe what you’re saying. Whether that belief is your own or planted by this entity… that’s what we must determine.”
It wasn’t the wholesale condemnation I’d feared, but neither was it acceptance. I nodded once more, then stepped into the small antechamber to await their decision.
Chapter 14
The wait was excruciating. Through the heavy oak door, I could hear raised voices but couldn’t make out specific words. Occasionally, Father Oxley’s outraged tone rose above the others, followed by Father Finnegan’s calmer responses.
I paced the small room, trying to prepare myself for any outcome. Excommunication seemed likely—not that it carried any legal weight in the modern world, but it would sever me from the community and institution that had shaped my entire adult life. The loss would be significant, even with Lucien’s support.
Finally, after what felt like hours, the door opened. Father Finnegan stood there alone, his expression grave but not unkind.
“The Council has reached a decision,” he said, gesturing for me to follow him back into the Chapter Room.
The atmosphere had changed during my absence. Father Oxley looked thunderous, Father Yarrow thoughtful, and the other members wore expressions ranging from concern to resignation.
“Noah Callahan,” Father Finnegan began formally, once I was seated again. “This Council finds your current situation deeply troubling. Your relationship with a demonic entity represents a profound spiritual danger, regardless of your subjective experience of that relationship.”
My heart sank, though I’d expected nothing less.
“However,” he continued, surprising me, “your history of dedicated service and your evident sincerity cannot be dismissed. We are not prepared to excommunicate you outright, as some have suggested.”
Father Oxley made a noise of disapproval but remained silent.
“Instead,” Father Finnegan said, “we offer you a choice. You may undergo a period of spiritual cleansing—forty days of prayer, fasting, and guided reflection—after which you will be asked to renounce this relationship and recommit to your vows. If you do so, you will be welcomed back into full fellowship, though under supervision for a time.”
He paused, his eyes holding mine. “Alternatively, if you choose to maintain this… connection, you will be released from your vows as an exorcist. You will no longer represent this Seminary or the Church in any capacity.”
It was more generous than I’d expected—they were offering me a path back, a way to retain my position and purpose within the community that had been my home for years.
All I had to do was renounce Lucien. Declare our love a deception. Return to a worldview I now knew to be incomplete at best, harmfully inaccurate at worst.
“May I ask a question?” I said, my voice steady despite the emotions churning within me.
Father Finnegan nodded.
“If I choose the second path—if I’m released from my vows—would I be forbidden from helping people dealing with genuine spiritual disturbances? Would I be prevented from using the knowledge and skills I’ve developed here?”
The Council members exchanged glances. It was Father Yarrow who answered.
“We cannot control what you do as a private citizen,” he said carefully. “However, you would not have the Church’s authority or protection. You would be operating solely on your own recognizance, with all the spiritual risks that entails.”
