Page 4 of Enchanted in Time
Hannah turned slightly red as she furtively set down her little gift beside the others. It was a good thing there was a gift table. Lena would surely be unwrapping the presents on her own later on that evening.
I shouldn’t be ashamed, Hannah thought as she chided herself. But she still was, a bit. Shouldn’t she have come without a gift instead? Claimed that she’d forgotten and then buysomething bigger the following week when she got her check? No, the onesie was as sweet as could be, and the dress was impeccable. And Lena had practically put in an order for it. She was sure her friend would cherish it.
Oh, how she hated having to always scrimp and save like this! She wasn’t stingy, and she knew the saying that it was little gifts that sustained friendships. But while her gifts were small, the others kept bringing bigger and bigger presents and apparently thought that was normal. Hannah would have liked to have been more generous as well, but there was just no way. With her meager wages, she had to cover all the expenses herself—and a vacation was entirely out of the question!
Of course, the others had been over the top with their huge and extravagant gifts, though Hannah would also have loved to have been the one to elicit a joyful “Wow!” for once. But it just wasn’t possible.
Ever since she’d had to start providing for her kids by herself, she’d scaled back her own needs more and more and changed her routines to save money. And the kids were still young—they didn’t need much. But with Marco, things had already gotten to the point that he no longer wanted to meet with his friends on the soccer field but at the movies instead. It all added up quickly. She wondered how she would manage it all in the future. Still, perhaps things would improve for her at some point. Maybe she could make Ines’s flower shop even more successful, and then her kind boss would surely pay her more. Originally, she had always wanted to build her own thing. But the time for dreaming had passed.
“Yummy!” Emi and Leon cried simultaneously, making a beeline for the cake. “Can we, Mommy? Please!”
The baby shower was really starting to pick up. More and more women trickled in with bigger and bigger gifts, and since they all seemed to know one another, Hannah took the kids andretreated to the well-manicured garden to escape the gossiping guests. Exhausted from the busy week, she settled into one of the comfortable lawn chairs and enjoyed a cup of coffee while her children ran across the perfectly mown grass and past the gorgeous rhododendrons.
If things had turned out differently, would she have felt more at ease among all these guests? Would she have felt more like one of them? If she hadn’t been a single mother who’d had to shoulder the burden alone, would she have been talking and laughing along with the others, enjoying their company and paying her respects with an equally large gift?
She watched her children playing, which calmed her turbulent thoughts.
“Hannah! There you are!” Lena had come outside and settled carefully into the lawn chair next to Hannah’s, using the armrest for support. “I’m beat.” She stroked her baby bump lovingly.
“I can imagine. There are quite a few people here! Are they all your colleagues?”
“Most of them, yes. A few are neighbors and acquaintances from my prenatal classes. We’ve only lived here a few weeks, but we’ve already met so many people! Almost everyone in the neighborhood is pregnant or already has young children.” Lena smiled a blissful smile. “You’re not trying to escape them, are you?”
“I’m sorry, Lena, it’s been an exhausting week. All the hustle and bustle is a bit much for me, and the kids can play better out here—and it gets them away from all the treats for a change.” She winked at her friend and took a sip from her cup.
“So how are things at the flower shop? Are you enjoying the work?”
“It’s all right. Ines is very nice, and she understands that I need to work a lot less during school vacations or when I can’t come because the kids are sick.”
“But are you happy? You always dreamed of having something of your own. Didn’t you always want to open a bookstore café?”
Hannah looked down at the red cup in her hands. “Maybe when the kids are older and on their own two feet. I can’t take any chances as long as I’m the only one responsible for them.”
Lena nodded in understanding as she watched Emi and Leon crouching over a daisy in the grass and inspecting a ladybug. They were whispering to each other and giggling as if they were making up a funny story about it. “They look so happy. I’m glad you’re all doing better!”
Hannah immediately stiffened. She didn’t like talking about it, especially when everyone else was so happy. “We’re fine! But how about you? Your house and garden are such a dream now!”
“Yes, Steven has been working very hard so I can build a dream nest for our little kiddo. And I’m so glad we don’t have to live in a little apartment anymore. Children need space! It’s a good thing he bought us this house.” She laughed and blissfully stroked her bulging belly again.
Hannah held back the feelings that were threatening to well up inside her once she heard those words. Until a few years before, she, too, had lived in a lovely house in a quiet neighborhood, with a large garden, helpful neighbors, and a place to park just outside the door. Her reply came out colder than she wanted it to: “How nice for you.”
“I’m sorry, Hannah, I didn’t mean?—”
“You didn’t. It’s fine!”
This was why she didn’t like visiting her friends anymore. She didn’t know if she was the one to blame, but inevitably some situation would arise where the past would catch up with her and she could feel—mostly based on their responses—how it would bring a cloud to hang over the festive mood. She didn’twant people walking on eggshells around her. No one could help that things were the way they were.
She didn’t know if it had been her tone of voice just now that had created the bad atmosphere or if Lena was annoyed with herself for reminding her of the past. It was like this with all her friends. There wasn’t a single one she could have a relaxed conversation with anymore. When was the last time she’d had an easy chat with Lena? She couldn’t say.
Embarrassed, Lena sat staring at her belly, which made Hannah feel guilty. She shouldn’t have come. She didn’t want to ruin this beautiful day for her.
Sometimes she wondered why she still went to see her old friends at all. Every time before she’d go, she would think to herself that she might feel less alone that way. But when she was with her friends and they’d talk about their amazing lives, she always felt even lonelier than before.
“What’s going on?” they heard a giggling colleague of Lena’s say behind them. They had apparently noticed Lena’s absence. Three women, including Charlotte of the giant belly, settled into the vacant lawn chairs next to theirs.
Hannah breathed a sigh of relief. Now Lena could think of other things. Inwardly, she withdrew from the group, glad that the pot-bellied Charlotte was immediately drawing all the attention to herself.
“I wish,” she began in a voice so loud it was as if she wanted the neighbors to hear her stories too, “that I was already done with this and had two such adorable children that age. You’ve got it so much easier than us!”
