Page 65 of Taming the Bear
With our relationship at a stage of “How The Hell Am I Supposed To Know What We Are,” I don’t know what to expect.
There’s a pain in my chest and I feel tears prick the corners of my eyes as I consider the fact that he doesn’t care enough to be here with me. If he cared about me, he would be here or he would be trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Does he know that I fell? Did he even notice that I was gone? Does he know where I am? I have no idea and it’s upsetting.
I know how I feel about Joe and I wish there is a way that I could tell him how I feel but I don’t know how. Do bikers have girlfriends? He’s called me his old lady to his club but I haven’t received any grand gestures to let me know.
The pain in my chest deepens and I squeeze my eyes shut to fight the tears that are wanting to escape. I can’t cry in front of my parents because then they will start asking what’s wrong and then I will have to tell them. I can’t tell them… It will just be a whole lot worse.
Just then, the door to the room that I’m in is flung open and I see a tired Joe staring at me. He takes in my body before walking over to me and then he sits on the bed. With his left arm over my waist, he leans in a little to look in my eyes. “It’s over now, Chantal.”
My mind begins to swirl as I try to comprehend what that means. What’s over? Big Sir and the fact that I owe him money? Joe and I? I have no idea.
The Bear
The drive back to the clubhouse isn’t long enough to cool me off. I’m so pissed off right now at two of my brothers who took an oath to put the club first and only put themselves first. And for what? Money? Power? No, greed. They got greedy and decided to risk everyone’s life to benefit them.
Besides my club, I’m worried about the fact that they put Chantal’s life in jeopardy. Chantal didn’t have anything to do with Smokey or Q Ball’s plans but they used her as a fucking pawn and almost got her killed. And then they dragged her parents into the middle of it! This is bull shit.
While driving back to the clubhouse, I think about everything from Chantal to Dana. The amount of pain and guilt that I have carried with me is starting to fade away and I feel lighter. I have blamed myself for all of these years that I couldn’t save Dana and J.J.
I mourned the life of another man’s son as I went through a destructive streak through the club. I mourned the fact that I never got to hold the baby that I had already fell in love with but he wasn’t mine. Everything that I thought I knew was wrong and now there’s no going back.
The amount of affection that I felt for Dana doesn’t even compare to how I feel about Chantal. I don’t know what is going to happen when I get back to the clubhouse, but I’m hoping that she will give me a chance.
I need a chance. And not just to prove myself to her, but to prove myself to me. For all of these years, I have carried the pain of what happened to Dana and J.J. Now that I have a chance with a woman who takes all of that pain away, I don’t want to waste it.
With my mind made up, I pull into the driveway of the clubhouse.
I’m going to make Chantal give me a chance.
Slice and Mack Truck are both waiting for me in the driveway and I park my bike by them. I look to the left and see that Chantal’s car is still here and I feel relief that she hasn’t run from me. Would she run?
If anything would have made her run, it would have been this shit that happened today.
A Team already texted me to let me know that Chantal is all right and that she just has a concussion that is mild. That, in itself, set my mind at ease. I couldn’t deal with anything bad happening to her after everything that we’ve shared.
“Hey, prez. Are you ready to get this goin’?” Slice asks me.
I nod my head and get off my bike. Before speaking to either of them, I dig into the front pocket of my cut to get my cigarettes out. I need to calm down before I just shoot everyone.
The minute the cigarette hits my lips, a group of the brothers are walking outside to talk to me about what the fuck happened.
I put my hand out in front of me to stop them from talking. “Look, brothers, some shit that happened today was bad. The most important thing is that we found the leaks in the system. I need every single one of you fuckers looking deep in you to see if you’re going to bail too. If you’re just wanting to play weekend warrior, I need you to kindly fuck right off. You got me?”
“That’s a little rash, don’t you think?” Flip asks and takes out his own pack of cigarettes.
Slice pats my shoulder and then addresses the mass of the brothers that are standing in front of us with questions looming. “You weren’t there today. Pinky almost got killed because two of our brothers got greedy. Do what he says and all ranking members walk over to the warehouse. We are gonna have a meeting.”
I’m surprised at the relief that I feel that I wasn’t the one that had to make the decision of involving the whole club or just the ranking members.
My mind is focused on getting all of this shit over with so I can go and check on Chantal. I need to see it with my eyes that she’s okay.
Have you ever heard of the saying Walking The Green Mile? Yeah, that is the story of my life right now. Dealing with this club shit is only going to magnify the situation and everything is going to get worse. There is not going to be happy ending.
Slice, Mack Truck and Flip are flanking me and walking with me towards the warehouse. “Have you went to go see Chantal yet?” Flip asks.
“No,” I reply. I want to be with Chantal right now. I want to be holding her hand and kissing her face to tell her everything is going to be okay. However, what I want doesn’t always happen.
“Why the fuck not?” He demands.
