Page 28 of KingPin
“Let me ask you a question,” I hedge and look around the room to avoid eye contact. “Are you asking me this because you want to be with me or are you asking me this because you’re bored?”
She lets out a frustrated breath. “I’m asking you this because I think we have something here and I want to know if you feel it, too.”
This is the first time I have ever seen her vulnerable. I like this version of her. The way her eyes look around the room before imploring me to answer her. The way her lips are pursed together. The way I can see her pulse beating in her neck.
That’s when I realize I’m about to make another life changing decision. My life is already fucked up as it is.
“I think we have something, too. The only way I would try this again with you is under one condition.”
There are so many ways this can go. So many different paths that could be taken but in the end I know what I need. I know what I want. I’m not going to do this half-ass shit again. I can’t do it. I don’t think Lucian can either and that’s why she’s wanting us to be together.
Lucian gasps. “What’s the condition?”
I smile at her and wink. She’s not going to like what is about to happen next. “You put yourself in my hands. We do this the conventional way and you give me you. If you can, we’ll do great. If you can’t, we have no purpose being together. I’m not doing that bull shit from last time. Are you in?”
Chapter Nineteen
Lucian
Give myself to him? What if I do and he fucking hates everything about myself? I’m not a good person. I’ve fucked up a lot and did a lot to survive.
Plus, I’ve never had sex the right way. Every time I have had sex, it was taken from me and I’m petrified. I have been living on death’s doormat for the past few years and that is not nearly as scary as giving myself to Mason.
But I want to. The thought of being with him, has my stomach full of nasty butterflies and all of that stupid girly shit.
“Under one condition,” I retort.
He shakes his head. “No conditions. It’s my way or no way. You need to pick which one you want.”
Fuck, he’s annoying me already. “You’re going to make this hard for me, aren’t you?”
“Lucian, you’re the one making this hard for yourself. You know all you have to do is give me you and let me take care of you.”
We are at an impasse.
Two different lives and two different decisions.
“Okay. You have to be patient with me,” I whisper to him.
I’m doing the one thing I have never done in my life before. I’m showing my vulnerability and it scares the fuck out of me.
He walks around the table until he’s standing behind me. I can feel his presence making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. His presence has done that to me since the very first time I saw him. The man does some funky things to me.
“Let’s start with something easy,” he murmurs.
I gasp. “Yes?” It is almost as if he can read through my confidence and see me for what I truly am.
Mason puts his hands on my shoulders gently with his fingertips grazing against my sweatshirt. I can feel the heat from his touch through the fabric.
“I’m not going to do anything that will push you over the edge just yet. I know you’re not ready for everything.”
“No, I’m not,” I admit. I’m showing him something I have never shown anyone before and that’s my true feelings.
What if he squashes me? What if I can’t be what he thinks I can be to him? I’m not like the typical girl he would bring home.
I’m complicated. I’m pissed at everything. I have the strong need to be in charge at all times. I don’t take shit. Plus, I love to be the one who dominates. I do not take orders from anybody.
With Mason standing above me as I’m still seated, I feel inferior to him. I hate feeling as if someone has the one up on me. I get out of the chair and stand in front of Mason with more nerves going through my body than I could possibly explain.
