Page 39 of Doctor's Demands
I’m not normal when I’m with her. I’m this young guy who’s falling in love—a thing I’ve never felt. I thought I knew what love was. I had a high school girlfriend and a couple in college. We exchanged I love you’s, but I had no idea what love really was. I know that now because I have rivers of emotions that are running through me. This has never happened to me before.
I wonder how many Doms actually do fall in love with their subs. I wonder if it happens more than any of the club members say it does. Or do they not talk about it because of how things have ended up for them?
They are all still at the club. Still seeking more. Still taking on new subs. If any of them had found what I have, would they still be there?
Or have I really found love?
I did tell Petra not to take anything personally. Could she be faking this? Could she not be taking me for my word?
Pulling my mouth away, I ask, “Petra, are you being real with me?”
She nods and smiles. “Of course I am.”
“No,” I say as I shake my head and pull her to sit up. “I told you not to take any of this personally.”
“And I’m not,” she says, confirming my fears.
She’s just pretending!
Getting up, I begin to pace back and forth and notice the scowl on her face. I have no idea why she’s looking at me like that or why she’s getting up to stop me from moving as her hands touch my shoulders.
“Owen, can you just speak plainly to me? I’m not sure what’s going on inside of your head right now. I do know I don’t like the turn that you’ve taken.”
“I’m being real with you, and you think I’m pretending. I know I told you not to take things personally. That was before things changed. Before I asked you if we could keep doing this.”
“And you know I don’t want to keep doing this,” she says. “The things I signed up for. The thing that will keep you above me and in control of me. I can’t allow that.”
“But you do care for me?” I ask, because I have to know. I take her by the shoulders and hold them tight. “The truth, Petra. Whether it will hurt me or not. I want the truth. Not what the contract says. Right now, you aren’t my sub.”
She looks at me with a gleam in her dark eyes. Eyes that I could look into forever. Eyes that I want to look into forever. Deep chocolate pools of sheer beauty are what they are.The woman is holding my heart in her hands, and she doesn’t seem to know it.
“You want the truth?” she asks. “Owen, I’m unsure if you’re having your fantasy or if this is real. I’m living in this moment with you. But I have no idea if it’s real or just real for right now. Do you even know?”
She’s hit me with her question. Do I even know if I’m living a fantasy or if these are real feelings? Do I know the difference between love and lust? Do I know myself well enough to make the kind of commitment I want to make to her? Should I slow the fuck down? Should I keep my words to myself?
Her hand trails over my shoulder as she looks me over. My body has been built out of what was once mostly fat. My mind was sculpted by professors and other doctors. My heart has been molded by a couple of parents who have no idea what love really is. And here I stand in front of a perfect woman and have the audacity to think that any of this is real.
This is just a fantasy, nothing more than that!
I’m not capable of anything more than that. I have no idea how to love anyone. And Petra deserves a love that’s real.
Taking her hand, I lead her back to the car. “Let’s forget about all of this. I want to take you shopping. What do you say to a bunch of new clothes? I want to send you back to college looking the part of a schoolteacher. If that’s what you want.”
She trails along behind me. Birds chirp overhead, the sun filters through the tall trees, and I hold her hand. A hand that feels right in mine. A hand that I’m going to miss when she goes back to Ohio and I go back to L.A.
I’ll most likely never see her again after this is over. This is just a fantasy that we’re living right now. Funny how I never got caught up like this before. Funny how things happen like that.
“Owen?” she says, as she pulls me to a stop.
I turn around and see tears are leaving trails down her cheeks. “Why in the world are you crying?”
“Because I thought something was about to happen back there and it’s breaking my heart that it stopped. This isn’t a fantasy in my head. If you think that, then I want you to know that’s not the case. Everything I feel for you is one hundred percent real. I’m not some phony girl. And I’d love it if you’d tell me your real feelings.”
Staring at her, I have to wonder if I can say it now. None of this feels like reality to me. But then again, I work on a reality show that doesn’t feel real to me, either.
Petra
When his eyes go narrow, I feel a chill run through me as he walks away from me, getting into the driver’s seat. “Petra, who are you to put me on the spot like that?” He gets into the car, and I stand perfectly still, frozen by his harsh words.
