Page 60 of Filthy Commitments
I kissed her on the tip of her nose. “I’m not. I’m not a dinner party kind of guy.”
“But, Jett, you should become one.” Dad poured himself a glass of Scotch and gestured to me with the bottle. “Would either of you like a drink?”
“None for me thanks,” came Asia’s quick reply.
“I don’t want one, either.”
He put the bottle back into the rack of the small bar that held a dozen different types of alcohol. “Jett, you’ll have to be more social once you become CEO. You’ll be expected to attend charity events and dinners, all kinds of things. It’s a big deal, you know.”
Nodding, I thought about all that. My father had been doing all that stuff, along with his real job as CEO. I knew he was tired and needed me to step in a relieve him of that heavy burden.
My leaving would hurt him a lot too. He’d be left to keep up with the furious work pace and schedule. He deserved some rest after working like a slave to build something out of nothing.
When would the guilt stop piling up on me?
There was no right thing to do. No matter which way I looked, I would hurt people. I’d never been in a tougher spot. Admitting to myself that I brought this all down on myself did nothing to make me feel any better about things.
After all, what did knowing the facts and facing them do to end the never ending guilt?
I felt lost. Alone. Depressed.
And I had no one to blame but myself. Would I ever get things right?
I’d lived pretty much guilt free up until the beginning of summer when I fucked things up so well. Now it seemed I’d live the rest of my life with guilt.
I had to wonder if it would become something that didn’t feel so horrible after a few years went by. But knew I was fooling myself. It would always feel terrible. But at least I was setting Asia free from it. Free from the lies, free from the guilt of telling her family a giant lie. At least she’d feel better. That was all I could care about. Asia, and how to make her feel better.
Asia
One minute I felt fine, the next my gut was twisting, and I was reaching for the door handle. “Tell the driver to wait at this red light.” Opening the door, I hurled as Jett held onto me so I wouldn’t fall out of the car.
“Baby!”
“Oh, my!” his mother shouted.
With the contents of my stomach gone, I felt better, but the embarrassment hurt like hell. I closed the door as found Jett running a tissue over my mouth. “Did that just hit you out of nowhere, Asia?”
I nodded and tried to regain my composure. “We need to get you to see someone right away,” his father said.
“No wonder you’re losing weight if this is what’s been happening.” His mother wagged her finger at us both. “This isn’t something that occurs from stress or nerves. I thought you meant you weren’t eating very much. I didn’t know you were throwing up. We’re going straight to the nearest emergency room.”
“I don’t…”
She shook her head. “I don’t care. We’re going, and you’re going to be seen by someone right now.”
“But the dinner,” I whined.
“I’ll let them know we won’t be coming. You’re more important than some damn dinner, Asia,” his mother was adamant.
Jett rubbed my back as he eyed me with concern. “We’re taking you to the hospital. No back talk about it, Asia.”
Resting my head on his shoulder, I admitted defeat and faced the reality that I was going to have to see a doctor about it. Maybe he’d prescribe me some kind of anti-anxiety meds, and I could be on my way.
I felt horrible for getting in the way of his cousin’s matrimonial festivities. But the three people, who were watching me like a hawk, didn’t look like they’d be swayed by a word I said.
Relinquishing the battle felt kind of great. It was out of my control. I’d be taken care of. I found my heart swelling with love for all three of them. I did matter to them all.
When we arrived at the emergency room, we found it was full. And my upset tummy wasn’t the biggest emergency there. A man was holding a towel around his hand, and red was beginning to soak through it. A little old woman was sneezing, hacking, and looking as if death was hovering around her, waiting for her to take her final breath. And three babies were crying with how badly they felt.
