Page 65 of Filthy Commitments
Left with a baby, a constant reminder of how I was duped, I’d live in the house he gave me, drive the car he bought for me, and live off the money he paid for me.
It was my own fault. I sold myself to the man for the period of three months. I signed a contract that said it would all end with no arguments what-so-ever. Jett was within his rights to leave me alone without one word.
But I wasn’t prepared for that at all. And I’d fucked up by not letting him know that I had his child inside of me. No matter what he actually felt about me, he might love the baby we created together.
He had a right to know. But I was bound by that contract not to attempt to contact him once it was over. I could lose the money that would be moved to my bank account the next day if I did that.
I needed money then. I had a baby coming. I couldn’t afford to bother him with some news about a baby. I was supposed to be on birth control. I was pretty fucking sure that getting pregnant could be grounds for the money to be taken away from me.
I was going to be alone to have the baby, but I’d have what I’d earned. I gave that man more of me than I knew I could. I earned everything I got from him. Every last thing and every last cent.
Tears burst from my eyes as my body ached. I’d never feel his weight on me again. I’d never feel his warm breath as it tickled the back of my neck as I woke up each morning. The soft way he’d caress my body was over.
I’d never love anyone the way I loved him. If I could ever bring myself to fall in love again. A thing I didn’t think I could do. It just fucking hurt so badly.
Sobbing into my pillow, I just wanted to leave the hotel and go home. Home to my family, not home to where I’d only see Jett in every corner. How was I going to live in that home?
How was I going to drive a car that reminded me of him? How was I going to look at a child that always reminded me of him? The man I once loved with more than I knew I had in me?
I was doomed.
Destroyed.
And desperately trying to hang onto my sanity.
Sleep wouldn’t find me, I was sure of that. I’d be left awake in my torment. No peace would find me that night or ever. I was sure of that.
But eventually, the tears slowed and exhaustion took me over. Darkness came in at me from all sides, and I slept. Even in my sleep, dread filled my dreams.
Would I ever be the same again?
When morning light penetrated the window, I opened my eyes. Immediately, I looked to see if Jett had come back. All I found was the empty bed, and I’d wrapped my body around his pillow.
My stomach lurched, right on cue, sending me to the bathroom at breakneck speed. Once I stopped puking, I began to cry.
He was really gone!
It was really over, and I was really pregnant and all alone.
All I wanted to do was climb back into the bed, pull the blankets over my head, and go back to sleep. My dreams weren’t peaceful or happy. But they weren’t real, and even in my sleep, I knew that.
I was in reality. A place where it hurt me to be.
Slumping back to bed, I heard a knock on my door, and a piece of paper slid under it. The bill, I guessed.
I climbed back into bed and closed my burning swollen eyes. But the damn paper was nagging me to pick it up and see what it was. Getting up, I went to pick it up.
There was a message that had been left at the front desk by my parents. It said I needed to get up this morning and come to their house before I did anything else.
I bet they had some kind of a surprise for Jett and me. Well, it would be me who would surprise them with the news that Jett and I were through. And I had nothing ready to tell them about why that was.
I didn’t want to go back to Harrison and face that huge empty house. And I didn’t want to stay in the hotel Jett had left me in. Might as well go home, tell my parents he left me and I wasn’t sure why. Must’ve been for another woman or something. But that I had a home, a car, and money. But I’d need to stay with them for a little while. Just until I got over it.
Somewhere in there, I’d have to add the part that I was now pregnant. Soon to be a single mother. But at least I had the means to take care of the baby. Going back to school would be out. I doubted my head would be right in two weeks anyway.
Gathering myself, I got ready to go to Queens to see my parents. Jett and I had only packed clothes for the next day. His were gone, he’d obviously put them on when he decided to leave me. But his tux was still there.
I folded it neatly and put it in the bag with the dress I’d worn to the wedding. It was then that I wondered if his closet would still be full of this things when I went back home. Would his car still be in the garage? Would his favorite coffee cup still be in the kitchen? His toiletries in the bathroom?
