Page 34 of Filthy Commitments
She looked away without saying another word. As a matter of fact, she didn’t say a thing for the rest of the ride home. Silence is golden some say. That period of silence was anything but golden, it was more black and dark, ominous and deep as an abyss. When we parked in the garage at home, Asia got out of the car. She walked inside as I sat in the car and gripped the steering wheel as I tried not to scream.
I felt like I was on a see-saw. Up one minute, down the next. I loved Asia, I knew I did. But was my love for her going to last? And if it did, would it be enough to stop me from going back to being the selfish man I’d always been? I wasn’t sure. And I never knew if I’d become sure. The lie of a marriage was turning on me, like a pet dragon that began to yearn for its freedom. It was breathing its fire in me, trying its best to make me let it out.
We had a wedding to go to in one week. Greg Blankenship, my college roommate, a man my exact age, was about to make Sandra Goldenbloom his lawfully wedded wife. In front of their family and friends, they were going to make it real. And I was going to take my fake wife to see them step into a real marriage. It all seemed very pathetic then.
Getting out of the car, I went inside. Straight to the kitchen, getting myself a beer then going to sit in the den to drink alone. One beer turned into ten as I sat there, staring out the window at the beautifully manicured lawn. When the sun set, the lights came on, filling the dark corners so intruders wouldn’t feel safe in our yard. I hadn’t bothered to turn the lights on in the room. Darkness seemed more fitting for how I was feeling.
In a chair that faced a window, I sat perfectly still. Soft hands ran around from behind me, a light breath warmed my ear. “You should come to bed.”
Running my hand up her arm, I mumbled, “You don’t hate me?”
“I could never hate you. Come to bed. Tomorrow will be another day. Things always have a way of looking brighter in the sunlight.” She slipped around the side of the chair and gently sat on my lap.
Her dark hair was hanging in damp strands. I ran my hand through them. “Asia, I’m not who I seem to be. I’m a very selfish man. I’d make a shitty real husband. Can you understand that? You deserve a great husband. I can’t be that for you.”
“Jett, you and I have a contract. I’m to be whatever you want me to be until August 31st. If you want a sub, I will be that. If you want a fake wife, I will be that. I will be whatever you want me to be. Leave the real things out of it for now.”
My throat was growing tight; tears were filling my eyes as I looked at the most beautiful and understanding woman in the entire world. “I love you, Asia.”
Her smile tugged at my heart. “And I love you, Jett. Now come to bed and let’s get some sleep. We’ve had a long, hard week. We need to rest up for the coming weekend, and all that it will entail. Let’s spend this week, chilling by the pool, maybe taking in a movie, and doing some normal things. What do you say to that?”
“I say, that sounds great, baby. Especially the part where you told me that you love me. You mean that, right?”
She nodded, got off my lap, and took me by the hand. “I love you, Jett Simmons. No matter what the future holds for us, for now just know that I love you, for real.”
She led me up the stairs all the way to our bedroom. A room I found I missed when she took me through the door. It smelled like she and I mixed all together.It smelled like home.
Could I really make a home with her? Would she want to put up with me and my ways forever?
Doubt overwhelmed me and I questioned whether truly she’d want to stick with me and all my menacing personality traits. I sat on the edge of the bed, at her prompting and she undressed me, then helped me get underneath the covers. She pulled her robe off, and laid next to me, naked in our bed.
Asia pulled my arm out, and laid her head on my shoulder then pulled my arm to wrap around her. It was the way we’d slept together since the very first night. “I never want us to go to bed angry, okay?”
“Okay, baby.” I turned my head, and she kissed me, sweetly. “Goodnight, my love.”
“Goodnight, Jett. I love you. Now, have some sweet dreams.”
With a sigh, I closed my eyes and let myself fall away from it all and sank into a deep sleep.
Asia
It was the night before his friends wedding. Jett and I had gotten along great the whole week. We did normal things as we hung out together; life was easy. That night, when we went to bed, things got odd.
“We have to be ready to go by noon. The driver will be here, and he’ll take us to New York. This time around, I want you to be quiet as a church mouse. I don’t want anyone getting too close to you. I don’t want Greg and Sandra to think we’ll be going and doing a bunch of things together as married couples. Got it?” He pulled off his shorts and climbed into bed.
“Okay, get to know no one. I understand, completely. We don’t wanna have a rerun of what happened with your family, Jett. I promise.” I pulled off my clothes and climbed into bed too.
We usually made love before we went to sleep, but Jett turned over and turned out his lamp. I was lying on my back, staring at the ceiling. Why the sudden onset of worry? Why was he shutting me out? Jett was a complex man. His parents didn’t seem to notice it, but I did. He was immature in a lot of ways. I guess not ever being serious with a woman had him bouncing back and forth along the relationship spectrum.
One day, he’d be all about us. The next, it was howhewas going to do this, andhewas going to do that. I’d never had a relationship to compare it to, but I knew he was yo-yoing about making things real with me. Even though I made sure not to say a word about wanting anything past August 31st. That night I slept terribly, and the next morning Jett rushed me, making me anxious and nervous. He was so cold toward me. The entire ride there, he was on his cell. Doing what, I didn’t know. All I knew was he was preoccupying himself. Trying to avoid me in every possible way.
Then we arrived at the chapel. There was a man in a blue suit who met us at the door. “Jett Simmons, you old dog.” He grabbed Jett’s hand and shook it. “Long time, no see.”
“Jason, this is my wife, Asia.” Jett looked at me as I shook his old friend’s hand. “We hung out together in college.” He turned his attention back to Jason. “How’s Greg? A mess I bet.”
“Nah, he’s cool.” Jason smiled at me. “Sandra’s a great girl, he knows that and has been ready to change her last name for a while now. She made him wait a whole year. Not like what I hear about you two.” He gently punched Jett in the arm. “You two met and married in no time, is the word on the street. You’ll have to give me the rundown at the reception.”
“How’d you hear about us?” Jett asked as he looked curiously at his friend.
