Page 3 of Filthy Commitments
This would be my last year if I couldn’t come up with a way to make about ten thousand dollars. Again, Mom didn’t need to be bothered with that. “Yep. I am really excited, alright.”
“So, what are your plans, Asia? Where will you be once you’ve accomplished your goal of a Master’s degree?”
“I guess I’ll get a job in New York. That’s always been what I thought I’d do. I have to do a year of interning next year. Maybe the company that takes me on will keep me.”
I had no idea how I’d do a year of intern work; they paid next to nothing. I’d have to do that, take classes, and take on a part-time job somewhere in between it all.
How was I going to do it all?
It was hopeless. There was no way I was going to be able to accomplish all of that and stay sane in the process. And even if I could, I doubted there would be enough money to pay for classes, books, and the dorm room. I was fucked! It was then that I had to contemplate for the first time that I’d end up just like my parents. Uneducated and living by the skin of my teeth. A chill ran through my body.
I had to find a way to pay for school and fast. My parents were in their fifties. Dad had lost his job and chances were, at his age, he’d have a hell of a time finding another one. And if he did, it wouldn’t pay nearly as much as he was making at a job he’d had for years.
“New York is so expensive to live in, Asia. You should think about coming back to Queens. I’m sure you could commute. Maybe live here with your father and I for a while. You could help out with bills. I don’t think your father is going to get another job that pays as well as that one.”
And there it was. They needed me. Guilt piled up like a ton of bricks.
“Yeah, I could do that, Mom. You can count on me. I’ll figure it all out. I will. You and Dad took good care of us all, I can help you out when I get a good job after I graduate. You’ll have to hold out until then, but I’ll be there for you guys. I promise.”
The sigh of relief she made had my heart hurting. My parents were in dire straits. Any savings they had would run out, and they’d be left living on crumbs. I had to make it all work out. There were no other choices. I’d do whatever it takes.
“You have no idea how good that is to hear, Asia. I’d never ask this of you if I had any other choice. I’m going to tell my boss that I need a raise and we’ll get rid of any bills we can. I don’t want you to have to live with us forever. The house will be paid off in five years. If you can live with us and help us until that bill is gone, then we’ll be fine after that.”
Five years!
She’s a bit out of her mind even though I do love her. I couldn’t let her know how much that would affect me, “I can do that, Mom.” I’m stretching the truth, because I most certainly won’t last five years, but I will help when I can and stay as long as I can.
“You’re such a good girl, Asia. I know I’ve told you that a million times, but I have to say it again. You’re good as gold. Always such a good girl and my little helper. I don’t know what we’d do without you. Your sisters have their own lives and families; I could never ask them for anything. But you’re alone and will have a great paying job in just a bit over a year. We can make it until then. We have enough in savings to do that.”
“I’m glad I can help. So, let me get off here and check out the internet to start searching for a summer job.”
“Hold on. Why do you suddenly need a job? I mean, your scholarship pays for everything.”
She finally caught on that things weren’t exactly as I was letting on. “I might have to pay some, that’s all. Don’t worry.”
“Why would you have to pay some suddenly?” Shit, her voice was changing and that wasn’t a good sign.
I was searching for an answer when one came to me. “Extra classes that the scholarship won’t cover. I want to take a few to get ahead of the game.”
“Oh,” she sounded relieved, thank goodness. “For a moment there I thought you were having some problems of your own. You’d tell me if you were, right?”
With all that’s going on, why the hell would I do a thing like that?
“Sure, I would, Mom. I gotta go. Love you,” I said in the most convincing bullshit voice I could muster.
“Love you. Talk to you soon.”
Finally, the call ended and I buried my face in the pillow I had been laying on. I was up shits creek without a paddle, as my granddad used to say. With no clue of how I was going to make it all work, I did what any girl does. I started to cry.
Jett
Sipping a cold beer as I sat on the deck of my Malibu beach house, I got a message from a guy I went to high school with back in Maplewood, New Jersey. Hot on the heels of my mother’s news of a huge family vacation, came the news that our high school was having our ten-year reunion on July 25th, in the gym. Josh was one of my best buddies back in the old days. He was already married with two kids, and anytime I talked to him, his wife was shouting out female names. She wanted to pair me up with one of her single female friends so we could all pal around together. I, of course, wasn’t into it.
In college, I messed around with a few different women, not a ton, only a few. I wasn’t quite the playboy my family thought I was. When I turned twenty-five, a friend of mine took me to an exclusive club in Portland, Oregon. He told me I’d find women there that would be more my speed. Ron and I went out with a couple of women we met at a bar one night. He noticed the way I treated the one I was with. I had certain expectations that she couldn’t seem to comply with.
Yappy broads are a thing I couldn’t stand. I liked quiet women, who spoke only when they had something interesting to say. Small talk bored me. I liked intelligent women who didn’t mind letting me take charge. That’s a hard combination to find.
I didn’t consider myself bossy or controlling. I thought of myself as a self-assured man who knew what he wanted and how he liked things to be. Not that the world should revolve around me or anything like that. It’s just that I didn’t like to explain every little thing I did or wanted to a woman. And that’s why I’m always single. Not many women want that in a man. But at that club, many, many women wanted that.
