Page 30 of Vengeful Seduction
“It’s not just sex,” I repeated. “It’s more. I think …I think I might be falling for him.”
I could practically hear the satisfied smirk on her face when she spoke again. “I know you are. I can hear it in your voice. And I’ve seen the look in your eyes lately. You’ve got it bad.”
I shook my head. Damn her smugness. She knew exactly what was going on with me, and I was so out of my depth it wasn’t funny. “What do I do, Joan?” I hated how plaintive I sounded. I was the sort of person who always knew what I was doing when I did something, but with this I was a complete novice.
“It’s serious, isn’t it?” Joan didn’t seem to need an answer because she continued on, her voice much more solemn than usual. “How much does he know about you?”
I winced a little. I knew what she meant, even if I considered playing dumb. The fact was, there was a fair bit that David didn’t know about me.
“He doesn’t know much of anything about me, other than that I’m a nurse,” I said, my voice almost too quiet to hear. “We only went on our first date tonight, though. It’s too soon to tell him everything.”
I had sort of hoped, even if I knew it was impossible, it would always be too soon to tell him. There were already a bunch of firsts going on with David and I wasn’t sure I wanted to add this one in too.
“It’s up to you,” Joan admitted. “But I think you should tell him. If you think there is going to be something real between you, he needs to know. What if you get married someday and he doesn’t even know?”
She had a point. It wasn’t like I was planning to marry David, but the idea didn’t freak me out quite as much as I would have thought.
I didn’t like the idea of telling him. I didn’t like the idea of telling anyone. Even Joan only knew because I’d had a few too many drinks after she had dragged me out to the bar one night when it was all weighing heavily on my mind—the anniversary of the day my life had changed. And I’d spilled it all to her then.
Point being, I didn’t talk to people about it. But Joan was right. If I wanted to really be with him, I was going to need to tell him about my past. Maybe David could even be the sort of person to accept it, given his own background.
And he had opened up to me. I should open up to him too. If I wanted things to get deeper between us, that is.
There was a reason it hurt me so much to think about David and Theodore, both of them so alone. The truth was, I was all alone too. I had no one, just as he did. It was one reason, one of many, I found myself so drawn to him.
When my parents had died and left me when I was just fifteen, it had devastated me. I could far too easily understand how David had felt when he’d lost his father and then Theodore.
We shared this bond and he didn’t even know about it.
“Kaye?” Joan’s voice pulled me from my thoughts and made me realize I had probably been quiet for too long, lost in my thoughts. “Kaye, what are you scared of? It won’t change anything between you two, not if he’s the sort of man you deserve. I’ve known you for a long time now, and you’ve never felt like this about a man, have you?”
I shook my head, then realized she couldn’t see me. “No, he’s the first man I’ve ever wanted,” I whispered, and it was nothing but the truth. Joan would know. She had known me for years. In fact, we’d gone to school together and she’d known me pretty much from the month I’d aged out of the foster care system and started college.
“At least think about it. It’s not right to keep something that big away from the person you’re falling in love with.” Joan seemed to give up, and I appreciated it. She would state her case, but she also knew when to back off.
Fair enough. I could promise without any problem and I didn’t hesitate to do so. “I will think about it. You know, I just hate when people feel sorry for me. Sure, I was a young teen when my world changed. I lost my family and my home. I was sent to live with a house full of strangers. No one comforted me when I got sad and lonely for my family. I kept that all to myself, not wanting to bother anyone.” I knew I would think about telling David. After all, if I wanted to be serious with this man, he really should know more about me.
“If he’s the right man for you, he won’t be bothered by it. You’ll see. Tell him before it gets to the point that it looks like you purposely kept things from him. That would hurt him. I’m sure you don’t want that.” She sighed, and I could tell she was tired and needed to get back to sleep.
“Go back to bed, Joan. And thanks for the advice. I know you’re right. But I also know how damn hard it is to make my mouth open and talk about that very painful part of my life. But I’ll think about it and see what I can come up with. Maybe I’ll invite him over one evening, get drunk, and it’ll spill out of me like it did with you.” I rubbed my chin, as it itched from David’s whiskers. “Goodnight, Joan.”
“Goodnight, Kaye. You have yourself some sweet dreams.” She hung up and I put my cell back on the nightstand.
It was late as hell and I still had a bath to take before I turned in for the night. Thanks to David’s attention to me, I’d made a bit of a mess of myself.
A glorious mess.
David
For weeks I had been playing the same game. And I had been playing it expertly, without a single flaw. I could tell it was time to move on—to step up my game. I could tell she was ready to give more to me.
Maybe she would even give me everything, and God knew I was ready to have it.
I had taken her out every day. I worked around her schedule because for some unknown reason she was still working. The picture I had painted of her in my mind wasn’t as accurate as I might have thought, because if she’d been a gold digger, then surely she would have quit her job to enjoy the proceeds of her hard work?
It was a little uncomfortable for me to think about it, so I pushed those strange thoughts firmly away. Kaye was probably waiting on the money to get into her accounts—that was most likely the only reason she hadn’t quit her job yet. That had to be it. But I shut those thoughts off because they disturbed me and I hated feeling uncertain.
Instead of thinking, I went grocery shopping.
