Page 53 of Nightclub Surprise
That was a hell of a lot harder than what I’d just done. Taking a seat, I went back to what we’d been talking about. “I’m sure you’ve seen this before, Doc. What do people do when this sort of thinghappens?”
“I’d like to be perfectly frank with you, August. Can you handle that?” He pulled his glasses off and looked at me with a seriousexpression.
Something told me that I wouldn’t much like what he had to say atall.
Chapter Twenty-nine
Tawny
Calum and I got home a little before August. My heart ached, but I’d resolved myself to the fact that August and I would never be able to have a normal life together. But then again, nothing had ever been normal forus.
At only eighteen, I’d found the strength to have a baby all on my own. One fiery night of passion had filled my heart with something I’d never felt before. At the time, I had no idea that it was actually love forAugust.
In the days that followed his leaving me, I’ve felt numb at times and full of pain at other times. August and I had never had a relationship at that point; we had hardly spent any time together. So, why did I miss him so damnmuch?
Back then, I’d talked to my best friend, Beth, about how I felt, and she’d had no idea what to say to me. Beth and I weren’t alike at all—we were night and day really. She’d lost her virginity at the tender age of fifteen. In the following years, she’d had at least six different boyfriends. Attachments like love didn’t come easy to her, so she didn’t understand why I was crying over some guy I’d had sex with for only onenight.
Somehow, with that one night, August had become a part of me. And a few months later, I realized I’d missed my period. Most girls that age would’ve panicked. I wasn’t panicked at all. Once I thought it might be possible, I’d actually hoped that I would bepregnant.
Crazy, Iknow.
I’d asked Beth to pick up a pregnancy test and bring it over. With that test, I’d found out that I was going to have a baby. August Harlow’schild.
At that time, his parents still lived next door; they hadn’t moved away yet. I could’ve gone over and told them the news. They would’ve told August, and things would’ve been sodifferent.
I didn’t want to do that though. I didn’t want to get in the man’s way—he’d told be from the beginning it was a one-time thing, no matter the fanciful promises we made to each other. And I was happy to have a part of him that I would have forever. Ourson.
Back then, I decided to take on all the responsibility, and as hard as it was, I thoroughly enjoyed every moment with Calum in my life. And when I saw how much he resembled August as he grew, it only served to make me evenhappier.
Though falling in love with someone overnight hardly made any sense at all, my love for August gave mestrength.
Could I find that strengthagain?
August and I were engaged. Marriage meant sacrificing things for the sake of your spouse. Could I sacrifice sleeping with my husband so that we could have a marriage and afamily?
The idea that I was short-changing myself still lingered in the back of mymind.
I knew I’d short-changed myself by keeping my pregnancy a secret from him, too. I’d lost the chance to have support throughout my pregnancy. I’d lost the chance to have help taking care of my child. But I knew I’d short-changed August and Calum with my decision aswell.
My parents were great and helpful, but they couldn’t replace the father that had been missing since day one. Things had been tough for me, especially once I’d started college. I was still pregnant when I began the nursing program. We had to do clinicals at one of the local nursing homes, and there were times I’d have to rush out of the patient’s rooms to deal with my pregnancy-inducednausea.
My mother told me it was from the stress of having a child without any idea of how to get in contact with the father. I’d lied to my parents about who the father was, and that lie had me dancing around attimes.
The truth was, I hadn’t felt stressed out about having the baby. But worry had consumed me at times about August and his safety. I’d actually had nightmares about what August was going through. I hated the fact that he was indanger.
As time went on, and our son was born, that worry over August—his whereabouts, whether he was okay or even still breathing—became less and less intense. Not that I didn’t care, but I just grew to accept the fact that marines live hard lives, and that was the life he’dchosen.
Now I was faced once again with having to accept a lot of new things all at once. Like the fact that I might not get to actually sleep with him for some time, or maybenever.
Again, I asked, am I short-changingmyself?
The answer was that I probably was. The same way I’d donebefore.
Calum’s voice shook me from my internal struggle. “Momma, when’s Dad cominghome?”
I checked my cell to see what time it was. “Should be about a half hour or so,” I answered. And as I held the phone in my hand, a call rang in from August. With a swipe, I answered the call. “Hello! Were your ears ringing? Calum and I were just talking aboutyou.”
He chuckled. “No, they weren’t ringing. I’m calling to let you know I’m going to be a little late. Some problems with the nightclub have come up. I’ve got to go over there and meet with my partners for a little while. Tell Calum I miss him and let him stay up so I can see him, willyou?”
