Page 57 of Nightclub Surprise
Chapter Thirty-one
Tawny
Thanksgiving came and went. At least the busy holiday season took my mind off how long it had been since August and I had beenintimate.
We had gotten along alright. But with the lack of intimacy came a distance between us. When we were asked at the dinner table on Thanksgiving if we’d scheduled a date for the wedding, we’d both murmured a quietno.
Leila took me aside, asking me how things were going. I told her what we were doing, and she told me to stay strong and give things time. I’d been doing that, but nothing was getting anybetter.
It began to feel as if August and I were roommates. We did things with Calum together, but I continued to let August read to him each night alone. I’d go take a bath and go to bed with a book, much the same as I’d done all the years before, when I was single. Only now, Calum wasn’t coming into my bed each night. The security of knowing there was a monitor right next to him so he could reach me was enough to end that little habit he’dhad.
Little by little, I got back into my old routine. Christmas was right around the corner, and another big holiday party had been planned. Everyone would come to August’s house once more to spend theholiday.
Our Christmas Eve dinner—with just August, Calum, and I—proved to be a pivotal moment in our lives. When we left the dining room, August asked me to come talk to him in his room after he’d put Calum tobed.
When I went in, staying dressed in my jeans and button down, I found him to be fully dressed too. That surprised me, as I thought he might try to pull out all the stops to get me into his bed thatnight.
I couldn’t have been morewrong.
“Please, sit down, Tawny.” He gestured to one of the sofas, and I took a seat. He sat across from me on a chair. “We need totalk.”
“So you said. What would you like to talk about?” I asked him as I sat back and tried in vain to getcomfortable.
He pointed at me then at himself. “There’s a rift betweenus.”
All I could do was nod. “Yes, Iagree.”
“Do you still love me?” His hazel eyes bore intomine.
“I’ll always love you, August,” Iadmitted.
“And I, you.” He looked away, trying to steel himself to tell me more. “But this isn’tworking.”
Taking the engagement ring off my finger, I placed it on the table between us, feeling numb. “I agree. We shouldn’t be getting married right now, if ever. We had a child, but that doesn’t mean we have to be togetherforever.”
“I don’t want you to leave.” He looked at the ring instead of me. “I want you to stay here withus.”
“I’d never leave my son anyway. What should we tell Calum?” My fingers ran over my finger where the heavy ring had been. I hadn’t even worn it that damn long, but I already felt its absence, and it felthorrible.
He let out a big breath. “I think we can figure that out later.” He paused for a moment, looking down at his hands as if preparing himself for what he had to say next. “I’ve been talking to my therapist,” he started. He’d progressed to doing his therapy sessions every other day now. “And to some other people, too—people who have what I have—people who’ve been in marriages that haven’t worked out because of this. But if not being able to sleep together makes this much of a difference in our relationship, then maybe sex was the only thing holding us together in the first place.” He reached across the table, taking the ring and closing his fist aroundit.
As I watched the ring disappear, my numbness began to fade, and it hit me. He and I wereover.
“Then that’s it,” I said, my heart breaking as I stood up to leave. “Goodnight.”
“Good night,” heechoed.
My feet moved at a normal pace, even though I wanted to run out of the room. Tears starting pooling in my eyes as I walked toward my bedroom, the dam finally bursting as I crossed the threshold. In no time at all, I’d gone from finding true love and getting engaged, to breakingup.
Falling on my bed, I buried my face in the pillow to hide my cries. What he’d said had hurt—that there was only sex between us. I’d made him fall out of love with me. By withholding myself from him, I’d ended what we’dfound.
Pounding the bed with my fists, I tried to get the frustration and anger out of my system. I’d be living under the same monstrous roof as the man, but I would never have himagain.
Everything inside of me hurt—my heart, my head, my entirebody.
Every time August had tried to touch me, I’d shied away, telling him I couldn’t handle that yet. I wasn’t ready to make love with him and be forced to leavehim.
One day had turned into another and another until it led to the one that ended itall.
