Page 57 of Dirty Little Virgin
“So,” he says. “Do you think just because I like to live my life a certain way that means I think everyone else should too? Because I don’t. If you find someone, you shouldn’t just throw it away.”
“Jade told me that so damn many times.” I put my head in my hands and think for a moment. “She has my number and she hasn’t called me. What if she thinks of me as a one-time thing and has moved on? What if she’s found someone else? What if she hasn’t called because she regrets what we did?”
“Don’t you have her number too?” he asks.
“Yes,” I answer. “But I told Jade I wouldn’t call and I didn’t want her to call me. I wanted us to stop things between us cold turkey and completely.”
“Man, are you dumb or what?” Grant asks me. “I mean, damn, Pierce!”
“What?” I yell. “What was I supposed to do? Let her down slowly? Leave her hanging while I dealt with business? What?”
“You’re taking the coward’s way out. Not giving things a chance to move forward or end on their own. What the fuck are you afraid of?” he asks me.
My answer pops out before I think about it, “Her hating me like all the others did.”
“And there it is. You’re allowing fear to rule you. Hmm. I think that’s interesting, don’t you? A thing we practice all the time in what we do. We face what scares us, don’t we, Pierce?”
“Fuck!”
“Fuck!” he shouts back at me. “Get off your ass. I’m telling Maggie you’re taking the next two weeks off. Go find your girl, you fool, before someone else does.”
Standing up, I make up my mind to do just that. And I won’t be giving her the heads up that I’m coming either. I’ll watch her for a bit to see if she’s gotten her life going or if she’s keeping to herself, missing me the same way I’m missing her.
Jade
My therapist walks me to her door, running her arm around my shoulders and giving me a slight squeeze. “You’re progressing so well, Jade. I think you’re finally getting it integrated into your mind that what you and that man had was a thing you’ll treasure forever, but it just wasn’t meant to be.”
“I can’t thank you enough for all your help, Doctor Sheldon. It’s a relief to know I’m not crazy for allowing myself to be treated in such a way.” My heart is still weak from missing Pierce, but at least this woman has given me peace of mind about why I loved what we did.
I’m really not crazy!
“I know Charles was hoping for a different outcome. He and I went to college together. I know the man well,” she tells me. “And when he came to me about you, he was confident that you’d been brainwashed or something equally as sordid. I kept my mouth shut about my beliefs so he’d bring you to me. He’s a nice man, Jade. You could do worse. Charles cares about you more than you know.”
“I know how much he cares about me,” I tell her as I walk out of her office and into the hallway. “But my heart belongs to another.”
“As we talked about, it’ll take time for that to lose its sharp edge. Little by little, as you see the man has moved on, that hard love you have for him will soften and fade into the background.”
“I’ll never stop loving him,” I say with a defiant tone.
“Jade, you don’t have to get me to believe you. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about him. I’m merely saying that it will fade in time, so try not to push anyone away because of what you feel right now. I’m not saying to get into anything before you’re ready, but don’t push away a person who might also be a great love, once this one dies.”
With a nod, I turn and leave. I can’t think about my love for Pierce, dying. I won’t allow that to happen. No matter what, I’ll always hold our love in a sacred place in my heart and soul. No one will push it out of the way so they can get in, not even Charles Gilman!
Walking into the dreary, foggy morning, I take the shortest route possible to get to my first class. After a few moments, I notice the sound of footsteps coming from a little way behind me. The soles of the shoes click and clack at the same rate mine do. I slow down and they slow too. I speed up and they do too. Stopping, I turn around and see no one. The fog is thick, hiding them from me. “Who’s there?”
“Jade?” comes a male voice.
“Yes.”
I wait as the man who’s following me steps forward and I see it’s Charles. “Jade, I thought that was you. I wasn’t certain. I didn’t want to frighten some woman if it wasn’t you. How did your session with Julie go?”
“Doctor Sheldon and I had a great meeting.” I turn and begin to walk again, with Charles at my side. “I’m afraid you’re not getting what you’d hoped for.”
“And what is it you believe I was hoping for?” he asks with a grin.
“Me finding out I was taken against my will or something of that nature. You see, there are people who find that kind of thing not only intriguing, but deeply satisfying. I was one who found so much satisfaction in it that I was changed in ways I didn’t know where possible.”
“I dare say you are one strong young woman,” he says, then drapes his arm around my shoulders. “I could study up on that type of thing. Perhaps learn to be what you need in a man.”
