Page 57 of Dirty News
“It’s not just you.” She looked exasperated with me, and that set meoff.
“Look, I want you. I want the world to know that you and I have found something. Sure, we work together, but who really gives two flying fucks about that?” I got up and began topace.
I wanted something, and I was used to making things happen when I saw something I wanted. This time I needed a little assistance. She and I were a team, right? Teammates help each other out,right?
“What are you stomping around for?” she asked me as she placed a pair of nude heels on the bed. “Do you like the way these look with thisdress?”
“They look great.” I stopped pacing, annoyed that she’d called it stomping, as if I were some spoiled toddler. “And for the record, I wasn’t stomping, just pacing. I’m kind of upset, if you haven’tnoticed.”
“Oh, I’ve noticed. Believe me, I’ve noticed. And what do you think I can do to fix that?” She rolled her eyes as she went to her endless supply of makeup to pick out tomorrow’s look. Lila didn’t like the way the makeup girl did her makeup, so she’d do it at home before we’d leave. She’d let them do her hair, but the makeup was herthing.
“So you’ve noticed and you just don’t care?” I asked her, feeling an incredulous expression on my face. I couldn’t believe she knew how much I wanted this and yet was paying so little attention to it. It made it seem like she didn’t care. No, she was just going along, picking out her things like she wasn’t worried about my feelings in theleast.
I’d never been a man who made mountains out of molehills. And I didn’t think I was doing it then either. But she sure acted like I was, sighing heavily then looking at me with a sweet expression. “What’s wrong with what we’re doingnow?”
“Everything.” I threw my hands in the air. “How can you even ask that question,baby?”
“I don’t see why you think everything is wrong with what we’re doing now. We get to spend some nights together, having crazy great sex. We get to hang out together at work. We get to do almost everything we’d get to do if we were allowed to be a couple.” She paused as she looked at the five shades of pink nail polish that she’d put on top of thedresser.
So I stepped in where she left off. “Yeah, we get to do everything except be a real one out in public. Except for getting to meet each other’s families. Except for getting to walk, hand in hand in Central Park, like all the other couplesdo.”
Her lips quirked up to one side as she took three of the bottles of polish and laid them next to the dress, which was still lying on her bed. She eyed them until she finally picked one up, moving it away from the dress and taking it out of the running. “That’s really sweet that you want to do all that. And in time we will be able to. No reason to rushanything.”
I was silent, as I had no idea what else to say to her to convince her that she did need to rush just a bit. At this rate, she might not ever go through with her plan. She might have me doing this same exact shit foryears.
Well, I wasn’t okay with that. I wanted more. And what I wanted was completely normal. What she was willing to settle for wasn’t. She hadn’t seemed to want this secretive lifestyle when we’d first gotten together, and I didn’t understand why she was being so casual about itnow.
“You’re shortchanging yourself, Lila. Think about it.” I tried to pull out any card I could that would pull her into this conversation about us for a littlewhile.
“Duke, I don’t feel like I’m shortchanging myself at all. I’m sorry you feel that way. We are totally getting what we want. I wish you could see that and stop all this.” She put one of the two remaining nail polishes back in her drawer, leaving the one that matched perfectly with the dress on the bed next toit.
I marveled for a moment at how she went about her life. So meticulous, so well prepared. She’d be able to pull her plan off if she just gave it the same thought she gave to her cheeks, lips, and nails. But she didn’t seem motivated to dothat.
Honesty is always the best policy, my mother always told me. I thought giving that a try might be the best idea. “Look, I didn’t want to say this. Mostly because I didn’t want to sound needy, but here it goes anyway. Lila, I’m beginning to feel like just a piece of ass toyou.”
She laughed as if that notion was utterly ridiculous. “Duke, you are much more than a piece of ass to me. You should know that by now. Didn’t I tell you I wouldn’t be seeing anyone else but you? Doesn’t that show you that you mean more to me than merely someone I happen to be having great sexwith?”
“Awe-inspiring sex is how I look at it. But anyway, no, it doesn’t mean that. Not when all we have is a friendship during the day and sex at night, without a soul knowing about it.” I crossed my arms over my chest, adding ahumphat the end to punctuate mystatement.
“Frankly, I don’t want anyone to know what we’re doing in our private time,” she said, making a face like that wasdistasteful.
“You know I don’t mean that I want to take out a billboard saying we fucked like rabbits all night long.” I had to huff once more as the steam built up inside of me. “I just want people to know that you and I are together, that’sall.”
She looked at me for a moment. “That’s sweet, babe. It really is. But this sexual misconduct thing is huge. And I can’t go scheming all over the station, pulling in women to overthrow our brand-new boss and take everything over. Sorry. I know I came up with this harebrained idea, but I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do afterall.”
And there it finally was. Lila wasn’t going to go through with her plan at all. And she hadn’t even been straight with me about that. “Well, isn’t that something. A champion communicator who has failed to communicate with the one person she should be able to do that with the best. Our bodies certainly communicate well, don’tthey?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry, Duke. I reallyam.”
“Me too.” I looked away, knowing I couldn’t look at her and say the things I needed to say. “Maybe we should take this back a bit then. Like to the very beginning, before that first kiss. Because I never knew how painful this wouldbe.”
She threw her hands up in the air as if she just couldn’t understand me at all. “Duke, that’s so unnecessary. Do you really want to stop havingsex?”
I jerked my head back to look her in the eyes, so she could see I meant what I said, “It’s not just sex with you. You should knowthat.”
“So what should we do then?” She looked miffed now. “Quit our jobs? Be homeless on the streets of New York and pray one day someone will hire us after quitting our once-in-a-lifetime jobs? And we would do that why, exactly? Love?” She shook her head as if the idea wasludicrous.
“Maybe,” I saidsoftly.
