Page 141 of Under Her Skin
“They died in a house fire along with his younger brother. It was your father who accidentally started the fire. He was drunk and as he left the house late at night while everyone else was sleeping he knocked a candle over. He knew he did it and in his drunken state he didn’t think about what would happen if he left it burning on the carpeted floor,” she says then sighs deeply. “Another bunch of people’s lives affected by my choices and screw ups. He and I had talked on the phone. I was pregnant with you and had run. It was the first time we’d talked since I’dleft.”
“It still wasn’t your fault that happened. It was his and his alone,” I tellher.
“It was mine. He told me nice things, and I told him mean things. I didn’t have to be like that,” she says. “I accept the responsibility of the things I’ve done. I carry the burden which is mine tobear.”
“You carry way too much burden, Mom,” I say and find more tears trailing down my cheeks. “Let some of it go. Give some of itaway.”
“Easier said than done, sweetheart,” she says. “The burdens have been with me longer than any person has. They are my company when I’m alone. They are my family, so to speak. And they are always with me. The alcohol and drugs take them away for short periods of time, but they never leave for good. I sober up and they become stronger than they were before. Seems they taunt me attimes.”
“Mom, the degree of how unhealthy this is, is not measurable. You need to get help and I intend to see that you do. That we both do and I intend on seeing what can be done about getting Rodney into a facility and out from under that damn bridge. Mark my words, within one year the three of us will be on the road to getting some kind of help out of this madness we’ve been putin.”
I grab a tissue, blow my nose, then get up and go towards the bathroom to wash my face and get rid of this defeatist attitude I’ve had since I was three. My motherlaughs.
“Okay, dear. We’ll see. I’ve kept you long enough. Goodnight.”
“Good night, Mom. I loveyou.”
She’s silent for a second as she’s never told me those words and the only time I’ve told them to her I was throwing them at her in anger. “I love you too, Shelly.Bye.”
Blake
Sun shines through the windshield as I drive to Houston to do a little mind mingling with Max about what it is I should do with my money. I have Josh as my right-hand man now and he’s already hard at work, figuring out how to handle the neighborhood renovationplan.
Now that I have some idea about what I can do to make things better for some people and keep some of my money going to things like that instead of the horrible taxes, I can concentrate on investments. I have to make money from my money so I can keep having money afterall.
My cell dings and I look over at it, but don’t pick it up. I’ll check it the next time I stop. And since I see a little store right here. I’llstop.
Damn mycuriosity!
Ipullup to the gas pump. I may as well get some gas while I’m here. My body seems to be tingling for some odd reason as I pick up thephone.
There it is. A message from her. After a mere three weeks she’s finally contacting me. I almost don’t want to readit.
I tap her name and the message springs onto the screen. ‘I’MSORRY.’
She’s sorry. Hmm. So, what does thatmean?
Ihaveno idea of what to send back. No idea what I want to say or how I even feel about this. She is sorry. Well, so amI.
I pull away without getting any gas. My mind has gone numb. There’s not a doubt in my mind that she is sorry, but that’s notenough.
Is she done running from the things that are good forher?
Is she through with the nonsense that one day she might lose me so it’s better not to have me atall?
Is she no longer a tiny bitinsane?
These are the kinds of things I need to hear from her. Sorry is a start, but only one little part of what I need to hear fromher.
I could pick up the phone and take her back right this second and in less than a week we will be at this same exact place again. She has to be without me for a while. She has to feel the need and want I know she has in her forme.
To pick that phone up and call her is all I want to do right now. My hands are fidgeting all over the steering wheel and my eyes keep being drawn to the phone that lies on the passenger seat of mytruck.
With a quick movement, I grab the phone and toss it in the back seat so I can’t see it. I can’t get to it if it rings or dings with another message fromher.
If it’s the right thing to do, why does it hurt so damnbad?
Part 7 BornLucky
