Page 355 of Under Her Skin
There are no certainties in this life. And into each life a little rain must fall—that’s something I recite to myself at least a few times each day when I see the bad things happening to innocent people. I always remind myself, it’s not for me to understand these things.They happen and that’sthat.
I think often of the question I asked Meagan to ask my mother. Why is theresuffering?
Her response makes me think all the time about that. Why are there bees? To make things grow, is thatanswer.
Why are there trees? To make air for the creatures here tobreathe.
Why are there mountains? Lakes? Rivers? So many things to ask, but not all can be explained. And I think about what a boring world this would be if we knew all of theanswers.
Somehow, I know my children will be inquisitive people, asking all kinds of things, the way I always have. All I can do is tell them the answers to things I know. But there will not be answers foreverything.
My hope is that they, too, will learn to see some things are meant to be mysteries. Some things we will only learn the reasons for when we reach the other side, and maybe not even then. I recall Meagan telling me that my mother could answer some things, but she didn’t knoweverything.
Perhaps there will never come a time when any of us know everything there is to know. In a way, that comforts me. It lets me know there’s no need to worry about what I don’t know orunderstand.
The main thing in life is to live it the best way you can think of. Not taking from others is a huge thing I had no conception of before my father passedon.
In the name of good business, I made my deals with people who could care less about the humans they employed. That’s over, and if I could shut them down, I would. That’s also a thing that’s out of myhands.
So many things are out of our hands, and I know I’m not the only one who wishes more could be done. I do know this. I know my money will not help the people who practice such terrible things. Crimes against humanity are things I will watch for in any company I do business with. The slightest infraction will have them earning my business nolonger.
And from what I’ve seen of my sales in all of my Bargain Bin stores, people are okay with paying a bit more for something made by reputable companies who value their employees and treat them well. Sales have gone up and the hate reviews have gonedown.
Walking on the right path feels so much better than walking on the wrong path. This path is full of people who I love. The other one had me alone andsecluded.
I’ve spoken with Delaney’s father a few times about how he thought I’d made a deal with the devil to gain my money. And he wasn’t that far off. Of course, I made no direct deal with the devil, but I did make deals with those oh whom I asked noquestions.
In the back of my mind, if I wasn’t absolutely sure that people were being treated terribly by the companies I did business with, then I was absolved of any guilt about that. I was wrong. I was hiding my head in the sand, and that’s just as bad as knowingly participating in the business of making money off the mistreatment ofpeople.
I won’t be doing any of that again. And as Delaney makes small snoring sounds, I can see I had better get myself to sleeptoo.
Tomorrow is a big day forus!
DELANEY
December31st:
“Mom, did I give you the ring?” I call out, as I forgot who exactly I gave the wedding ring to that I’m supposed to put on Blaine’s finger in a matter ofminutes.
“Yes, dear. You gave it to me,” she says as she smooths out the pale-blue dress I got for her to weartoday.
This morning, at the crack of dawn, Mom, Kate, Tiffany, and myself all started the day with massages, pedicures, and manicures, and then hair and makeup were done at our place. We waited until getting to the hospital to change into ourdresses.
I was relaxed, and now I’m turning into a disaster. Worry is consuming me, as I can’t seem to find one of my shoes and I have to keep stopping what I’m doing to sit down as a sweat threatensme.
“Dear, Kate found your shoe.” Mom produces my shoe, and I fan myself withrelief.
“Good. I didn’t want to go down the aisle in my bare feet, but I was preparing myself to do just that if the thing had been left at home somehow. This is nerve wracking, Mom. I wish I would’ve done what Blaine wanted and just gone to Vegas and gotten drunk so I wouldn’t care what I lookedlike.”
“I’d have been so disappointed if you’d done that.” Mom helps me get my shoe on as the big white dress full of fluff hinders my progress. “And you’re going to have such beautiful pictures to hang in your entry room now. You just need to settledown.”
Kate enters the empty hospital room where I’m getting dressed, and she has a red cup in her hand. “Here you go, Nurse Richards. A much-needed calm-you-downdrink.”
“You snuck alcohol in here?” Iwhisper.
She nods. “I did. You need to chill,girl!”
Mom laughs as I take a sip and find it’s a delicious margarita. “Oh my! I did need this. Thankyou.”
