Page 112 of Under Her Skin
She looks at me like I’m crazy. “Well, yeah. I mean he stopped calling or coming around, didn’the?”
“Did you attempt to get in contact withhim?”
“No. That’s not my job, is it? I mean, if he liked me, he’d make the attempt, right?” she asks as her face goes allquizzical.
“Did you like him?” Iask.
“Kind of. I mean, he was okay. He did a few things I didn’t like. He was possessive and controlling. He tried to make me do things I didn’t want to. Eat some things I didn’t want to.” She makes a disgusted face at some memory this conversation has conjured up in hermind.
“Tell me aboutit.”
“Little, squirmy things at a Chinese restaurant. He yelled at me when I refused to eat a bite of the crap. And in bed, not that you want to hear this, but he was demanding and I don’t like to be made to do things. I like to make up my own mind about doing certain things and he made me feel like I owed it to him to do some things. It made me feelcheap.”
The fucking bastard! I shouldn’t have even asked. My hand goes into a fist and I have to take in a deep breath. “That is exactly why you need me in your life, baby. I’ll make sure that kind of thing never happens to youagain.”
She looks up at me and her arms unfold. Her hand runs over my cheek and her eyes go vulnerable as she gazes at me. “I know you would be the best thing for me. It’s me who isn’t the best thing for you, Blake. Try to understand that I’m doing this foryou.”
I take her hand and kiss her fingertips. “Please, Rachelle. Just let me love you. Let me be the person who helps you. I’m begging you to let mein.”
Her lips quiver and I lean in and place mine on hers, trying to take all her pain and insecurities away with my kiss, with my love. Her arms go slowly around my neck and she kisses meback.
Saltiness invades our kiss as she cries silently. The hurt in her is so deep that the truth is I may not be able to get her to get past it. But I have totry.
Lord knows I have totry!
Rachelle
Blake holds me as we lie on the sofa and he kisses me gently. His body is over mine and the comfort it brings me should fill me with happiness, instead it fills me withdread.
I dread when this will end, which it surely will. He’s pointed out that it’s me who has stopped at least one of my relationships. All this time I thought it was always the men I was involved with. But he’s right, at least once, it wasme.
With no idea of when I’m doing the destructive things I do, how can I pull him into my fucked uplife?
He’s perfect, and sweet. His happy-go-lucky attitude is bright and cheery and I would only make a black spot in his beautiful demeanor. He doesn’t deservethat.
As hard as it is to admit, I belong with men who are just as messed up as I am. Jack asses who can’t commit, just like me. People who can’t give all of themselves because they don’t have it togive.
Blake is a knight in shining armor, a real live prince. I’m not the princess he deserves. I’m the maid, the person who cooks and cleans. I’m beneath him in so manyways.
I cannot let him think about me anymore. It’s time to do what I do best and run him off. I push at his chest and he releases my lips. My body is aching for him but I can’t allow that to happenagain.
“I need you to leave,Blake.”
Hurt fills his beautiful eyes and I can hardly standit.
“But, Rachelle, baby, please don’t dothis.”
Ipress harderand he sits up. “I can’t do this. I can’t live a lie. I can hurt you now or later. I don’t feel it’s right to lead you on any longer. Whatever this is, it’s overnow.”
His face goes pale, and he looks away from me and reaches down to put his shoes back on. “You know what, Rachelle? You’re right! It is over! You’re too far gone. Hard to believe at a mere twenty-one-years that you’re too far gone, but youare.”
“You don’t have to be mean,” I say with a quiver to my voice. “I’m not trying to be mean to you after all. I’m saving you from a hurt worse than this one. I’m doing it because of much I do care foryou.”
A loud huffing sound he makes, and he stands up after putting his shoes on. “Thanks for the favor, doll. Thanks for the good times. I’ll leave you the hell alone like you think youwant!”
I look down and can’t help but thinking I’m making a mistake, a horrible mistake. “Blake, I hope you can understand one day. I’m a person who doesn’t have what you’re looking for, what youdeserve.”
His cheeks are red and his eyes have more pain in them than I meant for there to be. “I deserve you. I can be the other half of you and you can be the other half of me. You and I are meant to be, Rachelle. And how dare you take the chance we’ve been given away. All on your own! But you have and I guess there is really no more tosay.”
