Page 41 of Dirty Desires
Chapter Eighteen
Ashton
No longer dreading Monday after having spoken to Nina, I was in a pretty great mood when I walked into the station that morning. I felt renewed. Not one hundred percent over my grief and guilt, but ready to start working through it.
I had an apology ready for Artimus, so I went right up to his office. When the elevator doors opened, Brady and Veronica stood perfectly still, looking at me.
Hesitantly, Brady offered, “Good morning?” in question form.
After Friday’s tirade, I understood his cautious demeanor. “It is a good morning, Brady. How’s it going this morning for you guys?”
Veronica nodded. “Fine. Are you here to see someone, Ashton?”
“I am. Has Artimus made it in yet?” I made my way toward his door, sure he was already in. He always showed up early.
“He is,” Brady told me. “Julia is in there with him.”
“Good.” I knocked on the door, ready to make amends with my friend.
“Come in,” came Julia’s voice as the door opened.
Artimus got up out of his seat to come to me. “I hope you’re not mad.”
Shaking my head as I went to shake his hand, I said, “Anything but that.” We shook hands then I went in for a little side hug. “Thank you, Artimus. It takes a great friend to do what you did. Dr. Patel is the best. I’ve talked to her extensively every day since Friday. I know things are going to get better, with her help.”
Julia grabbed me up as I stepped away from Artimus. “That’s so great to hear, Ashton!” She hugged me tightly, swaying back and forth with me. “I’m so happy for you.”
“I’m pretty damn happy for myself too.” When she let me go, I saw Artimus waving at me to go sit down in front of his desk, so I went over and took a seat as he sat behind it. “Just so you guys know, I went to see Nina and apologized to her too. We’re not dating, but we are friends again.”
“Good.” Julia walked toward the door that connected their offices. “I’ve got to get to work. You guys talk. See you later, Ashton. We’ll have to do lunch together today.”
“Sure thing, Julia.” I waved at her then looked at Artimus. “With Dr. Patel’s help, I’ve made a big discovery about why I’ve held on the way I have.”
“And that is?” he asked.
“Natalia’s things were taken from our home way too soon after her passing. Her family thought it would help me.” I sighed as I thought about what good people they all were. “They didn’t mean any harm in doing it, but it interrupted my grieving process. This weekend I made a call to her father and asked about some of those things. He told me that most of her stuff had been given to people in need. And that made me happy. Natalia would’ve wanted her things to go to good use, not sit around like museum pieces.”
I had earned a smile from Artimus. “Good. I’m really glad to hear that you’re happy with how that went. I suppose them removing all of her things from your place really set you back. I mean, one day she’s there with you, the next she’s gone. And not long after that, all evidence of her ever being there was gone too. I can see how that would shake a person up.”
Shoving my hand through my hair, I tried to do what Dr. Patel had asked me to work on. Live in that moment. Let myself feel that pain. And share it with those I care about and who care about me. “I had pushed the memories of that time into the far recesses of my mind. Next to actually losing her, losing her things in our home was the second most traumatic thing I went through. And the weird thing is that I never told a single soul how bad that hurt, to look around and see nothing of hers in our home anymore. Even the shampoo and conditioner she used was gone.”
Artimus looked stricken as he looked down. “I can’t imagine, Ashton. That had to have been devastating to you. I don’t know if I could’ve taken that.”
“You could’ve. I mean, it doesn’t kill you.” I shook my head. “But it feels like it might.”
With a nod, he said, “I’m sure it did feel like that. And how are you handling that now?”
I had to smile. “Better. Nina and I talked until one o’clock this morning. I shared a lot with her about Natalia. It made me feel a hell of a lot better. Nina is a very special person.”
“She is.” He laughed. “Most women wouldn’t have hung on for so long. You know that, right?”
“I do.” I had more I wanted to talk to him about, but wasn’t sure how. Then I took the good doctor’s advice and just opened my mouth and said what was on my mind. “I’m still afraid, Artimus. I’m still afraid that letting myself fall for Nina will push Natalia out of my mind.”
“I don’t think she’ll allow that to happen, Ashton.” He shook his head. “Nina isn’t the type of person who tries to take over things. I believe she has, and always has had, your best interests at heart.”
“You’re probably right.” I got up; it was time to get to work. “Well, I’ve got to get busy this morning. I am sorry for my little meltdown last week.”
“Nothing to worry about. We all have our meltdowns now and then, Ashton. And if that’s what it took for you to finally accept help, then I’m glad.” He got up and walked with me to the door, clapping me on the back as we went. “You have a good day. I’ll see you at lunch.”
