Page 56 of The Virgin's Dance
“Boh, don’t. Please.”
“What was your daughter’s name, Pilot?” Boh felt sick at the pain she was causing him but she knew it was the only way for him to start to get over the horror of it.
“I’m not ready …” His voice was getting louder, panicked, distressed.
Oh, my love, I’m sorry.
“How could you ever beready, Pilot? How?” She kept her voice low and even, even though she wanted to cry. “You need to talk about it; you need to grieve.”
“No!” He stalked towards the door of the villa but found it locked. She followed him, leaning against the door jamb to stop her body from trembling.
“And the car keys are hidden too.” She tried to make a joke of it, but her voice shook and it seemed to break his temper. He turned to her.
“Please don’t make me do this, Boh, please.”
“I have to. I’m sorry. I love you so much, Pilot, and it kills me to see you in so much pain. But the only way to get out of the hole is to tackle the climb. And right here, right now, alone on this island, this is the time.”
She went to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, was relieved when his slid around her waist too. He wasn’t pushing her away. She kissed him gently.
“It’ll hurt. We know that. God, will it hurt, but we can get through this. You’re safe here. You can rant at me, cuss at me, scream at me. Anything you need to do is okay with me. But we are going to do this.”
Pilot gazed down at her for a long time, every emotion playing out in his eyes. Boh waited patiently, her hands on his face, stroking his temples, trying to offer some comfort.
Finally, Pilot took a shaky breath in. “Lucia. Her name was Lucia. It was my grandmother’s name.”
“It’s beautiful.”
He smiled sadly. “So was she. Perfect, pure … and nothing would ever change that for me. Until Eugenie told me that she murdered her.”
He closed his eyes, his hands clenching into fists. Boh didn’t want to move, afraid of breaking the spell, but she sensed he was about to open up, and they needed to sit.
She led him by the hand to the living room and they hunched down on the couch, Boh’s arms protectively around her husband.
Slowly, Pilot told her about his excitement when Eugenie had told him she was pregnant, but how it didn’t change his mind about leaving her.
“We were toxic together, and Genie knew it, but she wouldn’t let me go. After the fall, after we buried Lucia, she clung to me. For another year, I stayed, because of our tragedy, because what sort of man would I be if I left my wife after a miscarriage?God.”
He put his head in his hands and Boh tightened her arms around him, pressing her lips to his temple. She said nothing, waiting for him to continue.
“Then, one day, after a benefit for your ballet company, I found her in bed with my best friend, Wally. I wasn’t even angry; I just felt relief. It set me free. I moved out that night, delivered the divorce papers to her the next day. She signed them; she didn’t really have a choice. But she told me that she would never let me go, that we would always have a tie because of Lucia.”
Boh turned his face toward her, made him look her in the eye. “You told me that Lucia was pure and perfect—you know all of that came fromyou, right? I know, both in my heart and from experience, that you are the best father a child could have. Look at Tomi … that boy is the image of you, and he has your joy, your heart, your goodness.”
“From you too, Boh.”
“Because you and I … we are one, Pilot. We were always meant to be. She can never take that away from us—from now on, she can never even try. Eugenie is toast, Pilot. But your perfect memory of Lucia will always be that, regardless of how she died. It doesn’t change the fact that your daughter was perfect.”
Pilot gazed at her and she could see the turmoil in his eyes. “You have every right to be angry and hurt and just destroyed by her death.” Boh took his hand and placed it on her belly. “But then, you stand back up and be a father, a husband, a kickass photographer, because we three need you. You don’t let her win.” She stroked his face. “As far as I am concerned, you are a father ofthreebeautiful children, and by God, will they all love you as much as I do.”
Pilot pressed his lips against hers with a ferocity that made her hope her words had had some impact on him. She felt his tears on her cheeks. “Thank you,” he whispered, “thank you, my love.”
They held each other for the longest time and Boh felt the tension draining out of her husband. Eventually, they got up and went outside to breath in the fresh ocean air. Holding hands, they strolled along the beach. Boh smiled up at him.
“You know? When we get home, I think we should tell Tomi about his older sister. Keep her alive as best as we can …” she faltered, then flushed red. “Is that a terrible idea? Would it hurt you too much? I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, baby. It was a sweet thought. Can I think about it?”
“Of course! I spoke too soon.”Damn it, damn it.Boh silently cursed herself—after their progress, she’d gone in with such a clumsy idea.
