Page 28 of His Secret Virgin
“Yeah, I know.” He laughed. “She’s over the moon about it. She was gushing about how cool it’s going to be, staying in a hotel room all on her very own the next two nights. So, I guess you’re off the hook.”
“What hook was I on?” I asked, feeling slightly confused.
With a chuckle, he let me in on his train of thought. “You know how you told her yesterday that if she needed something that she could call you?”
“Oh, that hook.” I’d totally forgotten about that whole conversation. “Well, she can still call me if she gets into a bind. Let her know that.”
“She’ll be fine,” he said. “But I’ll let her know, just in case. Thanks, buddy. You’re a really great friend. I know I’ve told you that a lot lately, but it bears repeating.”
And then the guilt really set in. “Oh, I’m nothing special.” I wasn’t special at all. I had an agenda, and my poor friend had no idea about the designs I had on his daughter.
But what if I was honest with him andlet him in on my interest? What then?
He had to go and make things even harder for me by saying, “No, don’t do that. You’re very special. There aren’t many like you, Christopher.” He paused to let that sink in a moment before changing the subject. “So what are your weekend plans while the rest of us are out of town?”
To defile your young daughter.
I coughed as the terrible thought crossed my mind. “I think I’ll stay home this weekend. My daughters are going somewhere with their mother, and the house will be quiet.”
“Sounds nice. Maybe get a good book and relax on your deck and enjoy the lake and this lovely summer weather we’re having. Sounds like an awesome plan you’ve got there.” Enthusiasm filled his voice. “Enjoy, buddy. Bye now.”
I put the phone down and then put my head in my hands. “I’m a monster. And now that Sebastien knows that I know where Emma will be for the weekend, my whole plan is ruined.” I hadn’t counted on Emma telling her father everything. Seemed I hadn’t thought things through at all.
In my defense, I hadn’t had a romantic tryst in forever and then some. To call myself rusty was a vast understatement. It seemed I was clueless.
The Governor’s Suite I’d booked would go empty. The dinner reservations would have to be cancelled. And I would have the saddest weekend I’d had in a while.
I was no stranger to lonely weekends, but I knew this one would be even worse than the sad ones I’d lived through after I found out Lisa had cheated on me with every man I knew.
At least those weekends had had some relief to them. They signified the end to my loveless marriage. And the best part about it was that she’d done wrong, and that meant I wouldn’t have to hand Lisa everything I’d worked so hard for.
This weekend the only plans I could imagine would involve sitting around alone, wondering what Emma was doing. Wondering if she was having fun and looking beautiful as she toured the town.
I could imagine her golden-brown hair swept up in a high ponytail, blowing in the warm summer breeze as she strolled the sidewalks of downtown Concord. Her pink lips would pull into a smile every time she caught her reflection in a window pane. And I wanted to be there, just on the other side of her, seeing it all with her. Holding her soft hand, our fingers entwined, kissing her hand once in a while as we walked and talked.
Why can’t I be twenty again?
How come I’ve got to be old enough to be her father?
Sitting in my chair, I spun around like a restless little kid and wished that things could be different—that they could be just the way I wanted them. That Emma and I could be together and no one would judge—or worse, make things hell for us.
But I knew Hell was the only thing in store for us if we ever did get to the place I desperately wished for. We’d get it from both sides. Her parents, my daughters, and most likely the staff at my company, too.
The staff I could handle. The other parties I wasn’t so sure.
And there I was again, getting ahead of myself. I didn’t know if Emma even felt the same interest in me that I felt for her. I knew enough from my own kids to know that their generation thought thirty was old.
Forty-six would seem ancient to a woman as young as Emma.
Feeling a heaviness in my chest, I let doubt, fear, and insecurity creep in without even trying to combat any of it.
I’d be alone for the rest of my life. But, just a few weeks ago, I had rejoiced in that. But now that I’d glimpsed something so special with Emma, I knew that that’s what I wanted.
And I knew I wouldn’t ever find any other woman who would do to me what Emma had done. But none of that mattered. What mattered was Emma. She didn’t need the war that a relationship with me would cause. She didn’t need a rift between her and the parents who adored her. And she sure as hell didn’t need the wrath of my daughters.
My plans were officially dead. I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t put such an innocent girl into such a tricky situation. I didn’t know if she’d agree with me or not, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
I had to put her back into the far recesses of my mind, shut her in, and never open that door again.
