Page 37 of Make Her Mine
“I had no idea, Ella. That’s terrible.” Slowly I moved toward her, opening my arms for her. “Come here. Let me hold you.”
This time, there were no tears in her eyes, only a glare that confirmed she didn’t want to be held. “No. I don’t want to rely on anyone for comfort. I got through that by myself. I can get through anything by myself.”
What to do or say? “Ella?”
“Can you leave now?” she asked in a hushed whisper.
Nodding, I did as she’d asked. Going to the living room, I softly asked her mother, “Did Ella really have a friend in kindergarten who was killed by her mother?” She might be messing with my head.
“Oh, Lord, yes,” Mrs. Finley confirmed. “It was awful. She told you about that?”
Nodding, I shuddered. “She did. Just now.”
“Wow,” she whispered. “Ella hasn’t discussed that with anyone in ages. We took her to see a therapist when it happened. Ella was inconsolable, and wehadto do something. She wanted to put that friendship out of her mind. Anytime anyone asked how she was doing, she’d snap that she just wanted to forget it all. So, we eventually learned not to bring it up at all. Why did she bring it up to you?”
“I was trying to be her friend, I suppose.” I shoved my hands into my pockets. “She has no close friends. It made me feel awful.”
Her mother nodded. “She’s a loner, Brandon. Always has been.”
I knew better than that. She wanted friends at one time. She just believed that pain came along with having friends, and apparently, she wanted no part of that.
“I’ll get out of your way, Mrs. Finley. Have a nice evening.” I walked to the door.
“Brandon, it’s nice you to want to be her friend. I’m afraid she’ll end up making you dislike her though. She pushes people away. Even us at times.” With her sigh punctuating that last statement, I left her.
How lonely an existence did Ella have? She must’ve felt miserable most of the time. I made my way t0 the room she drew in. Looking at the drawings on the wall, I saw the detail in them.
Going to the desk, I pulled open the top drawer and found a sketch pad inside. Opening it, I found picture after picture of the same little girl. The girl was probably Lacy. She hadn’t ever forgotten her. For not wanting to think about her, it seemed she thought about her more than anyone knew.
I put the pad back exactly as I found it and left the room. Maybe it wasn’t right to snoop? Maybe I shouldn’t hurt over her. But, it wasn’t as if I could help my feelings...
Because of what scarred her when she was just a little girl, Ella didn’t want to grow up—not entirely. Maybe she wanted to stay a little girl because Lacy remained one? For whatever reasons, I couldn’t give up on her now. Not now that I knew what the problem was! Maybe trying to be Ella’s friend wasn’t the right thing?
In her mind, she had one—just one. She didn’t want another. After all, Lacy didn’t have the privilege of having another friend, so why should Ella?
When I got to my bedroom, I desperately wanted to talk to someone about my discovery. But I knew Ella wouldn’t want me to tell a soul about what she told me. I should hold onto that information and deal with it on my own, the same way she had for all those years.
I thought about Ella before the ghastly murder: a sweet little girl, full of mirth and joy. She had loved with all her heart and had no shred of the current attitude.
Just because someone has cracks in their heart doesn’t mean they can’t be mended. Ella didn’t need another friend; Ella needed to feel loved. She needed to feel special to someone.
Could I make her feel that way? Loved and special? Would she let it happen? ShouldI?
I’d never even tried to make anyone feel cherished before. No one mattered that much to me. Ella is as important to me, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. Her delight meant something. I wanted to see her happy and stay that way for a long time.
Would it be a waste of energy to try? Would it end up hurting me?
It’s not manly to not do something just because one might get hurt. No, I’m not the type of guy who turns away from something just because there is some pain.
I could show Ella there’s more out there than just grief. Even if it slayed me, I’d show her.
Chapter Eighteen
Ella
I couldn’t sleep that night. What I said to Brandon stayed on my mind. I hadn’t spoken about Lacy in years. She never left my mind for long, but I didn’t talk about her. It upset me too much.
After her loss, for years I had nightmares about her and the way she passed. It tore me apart that her own mother held her under the water until she stopped fighting for her life. I couldn’t imagine the panic and fright Lacy had gone through.
