Page 40 of His to Love
My eyes flew open. The sheets were wrapped around me, making it impossible to move. My breathing was ragged, my body covered in sweat. And only then did I begin to realize it had all been a dream. “Damn,” I whispered to myself. “I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?” he asked through the door. “You were screaming and moaning like you were in pain. Can I come in?”
Yanking the sheets off of my body, I could smell the sex in the air as I’d obviously orgasmed while sleeping. I had never done anything like that before. I’d actually never had an orgasm in my life. On one hand, I was extremely happy about being able to achieve such a magnificent thing. On the other hand, I was sort of ashamed that I’d done that all on my own, somehow.
“I’d rather you not. I’m okay. I was just having a nightmare.” It was anything but a nightmare, but I had no idea how to explain why I was screaming in my sleep and moaning as if I was in pain.
“Are you sure?” he asked, not seeming to believe me.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” I got up, needing to go take a shower. “I’m going to be in the bathroom. You can go back to bed, Patton.”
“I’ll be up for a while if you want to come get some warm milk or something to help you sleep more soundly,” he offered. “Or I can bring some to you.”
“That’s okay.” I smiled at this thoughtfulness. He was just so there for me in every way. “Night, mi amor.”
“Okay then, night, pumpkin. Have sweet dreams and no more bad ones.” His footsteps moved away from the door.
Walking into the bathroom, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks were red, my sweat-soaked hair clung to my face and my entire body shimmered with perspiration. But I liked it. I liked the way I looked after having an orgasm. “If it was that good when I was alone, and in a dream, then what will it be like with my handsome husband? And will I ever get to find that out?”
Starting the shower, I had to wonder if that would actually ever happen. I knew there was no way we’d have sex before the baby came, as the doctor had told us sex was off the table until six weeks after the birth of the baby. But what about after that? Would Patton ever want what I did—a marriage that was as real as it could get?
Before my brother had left earlier that evening, he’d spoken to me in private. I didn’t like what he had said to me. He told me that he could see that I was falling in love with Patton, and that I knew better than to do that to myself. Patton would never betray their friendship by doing anything inappropriate with me.
I’d kept my mouth shut tightly. I hadn’t realized my heart was showing so clearly. I hadn’t meant for it to.
Finally, I promised him that I would try to reign in my feelings for my husband. To which he chastised me for calling Patton my husband, reminding me that he’d set this whole thing up and Patton was merely doing him and I a favor. A favor we shouldn’t ever take for granted.
Before I’d fallen asleep, I’d been thinking a lot about what my brother had said. And I thought about what Patton himself had told me. He was doing us a favor, but he wanted this baby—even though it wasn’t his. He wanted to take care of it and me. That didn’t seem like a favor to me. It seemed like he wanted us, like he didn’t see us as a burden at all.
Rinsing off my body, I ran my hands over my swollen belly. “You’ve got a real father. Not some deadbeat. I’m not going to ruin that for you by asking for more than that. I don’t want you to worry. Your mommy will put away her silly feelings so that you can have a great home and a great father.”
I didn’t know how easy it would be to do that, but I had to try—for the baby’s sake. I had to try to get past this raging sexual attraction I felt for Patton. Even if he did want to have sex with me, he’d never tell me so. He was the perfect gentleman, and his allegiance to my brother was apparently off the charts.
Turning off the shower, I toweled off then went to bed, finding the sheets damp. Taking them off the bed, I got a fresh set out of the linen closet in the bathroom, and then made the bed.
My dreams needed to calm down about Patton. If it wasn’t going to happen in real life, I’d rather not live it in my dream life. It made my heart ache to know that I’d never get to feel him that way, inside of me, touching me, stroking me, making love to me.
Dreaming about that had only made things harder for me, as a woman. What woman didn’t want to feel all those things in real life with a man she loved?
I loved Patton and I knew that without a doubt. And I knew he had love for me. But what kind of love? I really wasn’t sure.
But I was sure of one thing. He would never betray my brother. And it didn’t seem as though my brother was ever going to see me as a grown woman. It also looked like he didn’t think Patton was the man for me either.
