Page 65 of His to Love
“It came to me last week, to be honest. But I thought you would say pretty much what you have said. So, I didn’t say anything then, but I did make the phone call to the doctor’s office to set up an appointment for a checkup. That way I could get the all-clear from the doctor before I spoke to you about this.” She looked at the kids, who ran back and forth in front of the tiger’s cage, mimicking its movements. “I really want to try for a little girl, Patton.”
“And if we have another boy, then what?” I thought she needed to know that could happen.
“Well, I guess we’ll just have to try again in a couple of years. You’re a great father and you make having babies easy.” As far as compliments went, that was a pretty awesome one.
Kissing her on the top of her head, I hugged her. “You’re a great mother, and you make having babies pretty easy too. But you should know that I’m not quite past that heart-stopping incident. That really scared me, baby. What if that happens again?”
“It was from the drug, Patton.” She smacked me in the arm. “My heart is fine. You know that.”
She had no idea how much that had affected me. “I still have nightmares about that, Alexa. I can’t recall a time I’ve been more afraid in my life.”
“I’m not going anywhere, mi amor. If the doctor shares your concerns, then I will follow her orders. You know she wouldn’t put my life at risk. We can trust her judgment.”
I knew I had to get over my fear of losing her. And what better way to get rid of a fear than facing it. “Oh, hell. I’m in, babe. Let’s have a baby.”
She held up one finger. “Only if Doctor Barclay says that I’m healthy enough for that.”
This woman always has to get in the last word.
***
Alexa
A month had passed since I’d gone to see my doctor and gotten the news that I could have another baby if I wanted. But so far, no matter how hard we tried, nothing was happening.
And we’d tried—hard. Not that I was complaining about that part of it.
“A solid month, Patton. That’s how long it’s been. We have sex three times a day, every day, and still nothing.” It was hard not to blame myself. “Maybe my womb isn’t any good and I just got lucky the first time.”
He sat down on the bed beside me, running his hand through my bed-styled hair. He placed the pink stick with a minus sign on the bedside table beside. I’d taken a pregnancy test each morning for the last month. “It’s only been a month, baby. There’s nothing wrong with your womb. Your patience? Well, there might be something wrong with that.”
I punched him in the arm. “Stop trying to make me laugh. This is serious. I got pregnant with Patty after only a few times. So why is it taking longer this time?”
“Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way.” He got up and went to get something out of one of the dresser drawers. Coming back, I saw the calendar in his hand. “How about we don’t go at it like rabbits for a while. Let’s wait a week without having sex. I’ll let my sperm build up and then we’ll go for it. Sounds like a good plan to me. What do you think?”
“I think you might be right. We’re using it all up.” I took the calendar from him then got up and found a pen to mark one week from that day. “So, next Saturday it is.” I tapped the pen on my chin. “Do you think morning, noon, or night would be better?”
“Night,” he said quickly. “We’ll make a date out of it. I’ll take you out for a nice dinner, then maybe some dancing, and then we’ll come home and make a baby.”
I wanted it so bad that it hurt. Running my hands over my flat stomach, I looked at myself in the mirror over the dresser. “I just want to see a nice round belly again.”
Patton came up behind me, running his arms around me and placing his hands on mine. “Wewillmake this happen. Trust me, honey. I’ll give you what you want. I always do.”
When the weekend rolled around, I felt butterflies in my stomach as we dropped Patty off with his aunt and uncle. I had no idea why I felt so nervous about going out with my husband and the rest of the night we had in store, but I had a crazy amount of anxiety.
When he came to get back into the car, I blurted out a decision I’d just made. “I don’t want to have a baby anymore.”
“Wait.” He looked at me with narrowed eyes as if he couldn’t believe what I’d just said. “What? You don’t want to have a baby now?”
“It’s too much pressure.” I held up my hand to show him how it shook. “My heart is pounding. My nerves are shot. It’s crazy. I can’t do it.”
“Then we won’t do it, honey. No big deal at all. There’s absolutely no reason for you to feel pressure about having a baby.” He put the car in drive. “We’ll just go out for a nice dinner then head home where we can go to sleep or do whatever. It’ll be fine. Just relax. You’ve been on pins and needles for a month about this.”
“I’m sorry.” I knew I was the one who was at fault here. “You’re right. I have been on pins and needles. I think I just want to give you a child of your own so badly that it’s making me sort of crazy.”
“I’ve got a child of my own. Patty is my son.” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “If that’s why you really wanted to have another baby, then that’s not a good reason.”
“You really feel that way about him, Patton?” I’d had my little worries about him not feeling like he was really Patty’s father—I didn’t realize how much it had been weighing on me until that moment.
