Page 76 of A Trial of the Heart
“You came into my life at a time I was broken, and the thought of any man pissed my broken soul off more than it already was. You revived things I killed; a piece of Shiloh was resurrected when I met you.”
Hearing her speak of herself in third person was comical.
“I ran from you on more than one occasion because I was scared. You know the past trauma I experienced paved the way for that. I’m not easy to deal with. I know that. Rashad, you just have to know what I feel with you… I have never felt with anyone, even people I’ve known for years. You have been an answered prayer that I hadn’t even sent up to God yet. I don’t just want you, Rashad, I need you…” Shiloh swallowed hard. I could see the lump form in her throat.” She dropped her eyes from me. “I love you, Rashad.”
Her bottom lip quivered, and when she lifted her doe-shaped eyes once again, I saw hope in them.
Shiloh had come into my life like a wrecking ball, making me want things I didn’t know I needed. We were good together, but because of her own selfish ways she built that wedge between us.
“You should go home, Shiloh. This storm is getting bad out here.”
Her mouth instantly fell agape. I knew she wasn’t expecting that. My feelings for Shiloh were strong. Maybe not love, but it was a connection. Even if it had been love, I couldn’t say those words. She and I were cut different, and I didn’t want to travel down that road and complicate things more than it already was.
“I’m going to head out. You should do the same.”
The tears she’d fought fell swiftly, and sadness took over her expression. “Rashad, please. Answer this one question for me, and if it’s not what I think, I’ll leave.”
“What’s that?” I didn’t want to entertain her, but I couldn’t deny my curiosity.
“Tell me you don’t love me or at least that you don’t have strong feelings for me. Tell me, Rashad, that after this time together, you don’t feel something for me.”
I stood there with the wind increasing and the rain falling harder. The scene paired with Shiloh crying was dramatic. It resembled an intense scene from a corny love movie.
“Please tell me you don’t care, and I’ll leave,” she begged in a whisper.
My jaw tightened. “I don’t have feelings for you Shiloh. The shit was fun while it lasted, but let’s face it you were just a fuck. We shoulda kept it on the ship like you suggested.” I shrugged, watching Shiloh look as though she’d lost her breath.
Even if what I’d said wasn’t exactly how I felt, I had to say it to let her go. When I wanted her, she pushed me away, so it was now time she lived in the reality she had created.
“Go home, Shiloh,” were my last words before climbing into my car and speeding away without a second look.
I hated moving the way I had, but Shiloh had dismissed me on more than one occasion. She had to get a taste of her own medicine, even if it was immature. We would speak eventually about the baby, but any other conversation between us was dead and gone.
Chapter
Thirty-Eight
Shiloh:
Three Weeks Later
I looked around the intimate office while waiting for LeeAnn to do my exam and see if we could hear the baby’s heartbeat. LeeAnn was not only my best friend but an OB-GYN, so it was only right that she had the honor of being my baby’s godmother and doctor. She would deliver the baby for me. I felt safest under her care. Today was my first official appointment after the pregnancy had been confirmed. I was nervous.
As I sat there and the cold draft caused goosebumps on my uncovered skin, I picked up my phone, debating on calling Rashad. I wanted him present since he said he would be here, but after he shut me down, I battled co-parenting with him. The day I went to his job, it was just to apologize. When the “I love you” slipped out, I shocked my own self. Rashad was a good man, and sadly, I hadn’t handled him correctly, so I’d missed my chance.
I wasn’t far along, but since the positive results, I was in love and vowed to give my son or daughter the best life possible. With a sigh, I placed my phone down. I wasn’t going to chase Rashad. He said he didn’t love me but would be a father, so I would allowhim to show up how he saw fit. With or without him, though, our creation would be fine, and I would eventually heal from the brokenness.
The door to the office pushed open.
“Knock, knock,” LeeAnn said instead of actually doing it. I knew if it had been some other patient, she would have actually knocked. “Hey, girl, hey.” She beamed, washing her hands.
“Hey.” I smiled slightly, nowhere near as enthused as her.
“Ew. No, ma’am.” She scrunched her nose. “You’re about to hear your baby’s heartbeat. I’m going to need you to sound more enthused than that.”
“I just never imagined being thirty, unmarried, and pregnant by a man that hates me.” My voice shook as I spoke because reality set in while I spoke. I seriously was about to be doing this thing single and young.
“You may be unmarried and a soon-to-be single mother because you were tossing that ass back any chance you got, but you ain’t never doing it alone. Shit, I’ll be the daddy for all that.”
