Page 20 of A Trial of the Heart
Sadness still filled Shiloh’s normally vibrant eyes as she faked a smile.
“Keep them.” She shrugged. “Something to remember me by.” Her voice was full of sorrow.
Shoving the panties into my pocket, I ambled her way before I dropped down on the bed beside her.
“Cheer up, beautiful. We still have time together.”
Shiloh chortled.
“I’m not crazy or anything, so don’t think that for what I’m about to say.”
“Never that. What’s up?”
Before speaking, Shiloh exhaled deeply, dropping her eyes from mine, fidgeting with her manicured nails.
“It’s no secret that once the ship docks, you and I would step off this ship the same way we stepped on… as strangers.” She paused briefly.“I won’t sit here and lie and say that these past twelve days haven’t been remarkable. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t want us to separate. But this world isn’t perfect, and no matter how much fun we have had, we’re strangers. I knew what was going to happen before we started this. It still doesn’t negate the fact that I’m sad it’s ending.”
“What if it doesn’t have to?”
I spoke the words before even thinking about it. I wasn’t in a place to even have a relationship, but Shiloh had me thinking irrationally.
Shiloh snickered. “Yeah, no. This is dope and all, but I’m really not in the business of starting now.”
Though Shiloh and I had a strong connection and even had deep conversations, we’d never got around to asking the basic questions. Besides her job, birthday, and who her best friend was, I only knew her sexually. Where she lived was a mystery. If she was an only child or not, I couldn’t tell. Hell, I didn’t even know if she disliked certain foods. I honestly knew nothing about her, yet I felt like I knew her entire story.
“Damn, like that?” I questioned with a chuckle. “I must not have imprinted on you in the manner I assumed. I thought I put that shit down.”
It was Shiloh’s turn to laugh.
“Rashad.” She called my name in a sultry tone, leaning toward me. “You’ve done everything right. It’s just me being honest. I’m not in a space that I can take things further than this ship. You’ve helped me forget so many things in such a short time, but the reality of things is once we dock, everything I left at the shore will return. You’re dope.” She paused, exhaling deeply. “Together we’re dope. It’s just I don’t have the capacity for anything more than what I’ve offered.”
Shiloh had opened up many times about her ex, and all the shit she dealt with, with him and others she dated. I got her reason for not wanting to put herself on the line for another heartbreak, but I wasn’t that guy. Her hurt was real and fresh, so no matter my words, she’d feel the same each time.
“I’m not out here proposing and shit.” I chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood.“Hell, I’m not even asking to be your man. I’m just saying this doesn’t have to be the last time we talk to or see each other. If we ever visit each other’s city and still are unattached, we can get up. Even if not, we can just kick a text or FaceTime every once in a while. You pretty cool, so I wouldn’t mind keeping you on my roster as a friend.”
Shiloh laughed. It wasn’t a normal laugh. She had tossed her body back on the bed with her eyes closed, holding her stomach, and laughed loudly. I didn’t get the joke.
“What’s funny?”
Her cackling continued but not as excessive “You are. What do you mean, your damn roster? You out here rotating women around and blatantly telling me and think I am going to be like ‘yeah, add me in?’ I think the fuck not.”
I had to snicker myself at hearing her say it. It may have come out that way, but what she said wasn’t what I meant at all.
“I didn’t mean it like that at all.”
“How did you mean it? ‘Cause it surely sounds like you got names in a hat, randomly picking who you will dick down.” Shiloh sat back up.
“You may not know much about me, but we’ve tapped on the conversation lightly before but let me give you a refresher.” I paused as I wanted to ensure I had her undivided attention, because if we did or didn’t speak after the cruise, I needed her to know.
“Okay…”
“I don’t cheat. I don’t sleep with multiple women at one time. I don’t play games, and I damn sure ain’t dropping names in a hat to see who I can smash. I’m grown, baby, and real. What you see is absolutely what you get.”
Something happened in Shiloh’s eyes. I couldn’t read it, but I saw it.
“Well, okay then, Mr. Carter…” She drawled, biting her bottom lip.
It made sense now. What happened in her eyes was approval. Something I’d said or maybe the way I said it satisfied her.
