Page 45 of A Trial of the Heart
“If you believe that man is as guilty as those charges on the docs, why have you agreed to be in his presence?” she asked but didn’t wait for me to respond before she spoke again. “If those are your true feelings, let that man be, and y’all hash it out in court.”
“Closure.” I knew it was bullshit the second I said it, but it sounded good. “I needed the closure since I feel he played me.”
LeeAnn let out a gut wrenching, goofy laugh. I had to pull the phone from my ear. It was so loud.
“Yeah, okay. Closure.” Her tone was mocking. “Nah. What you need is to be fucked, and though you know it’s wrong, you want one more chance with that man so you can proceed with your job.”
“Two things can be true at once,” I muttered.
“How so?”
My words were there, yet they weren’t coming out how I intended, and I sounded like a sitting contradiction.
“He’s a criminal but a good guy that I want parts of,” I admitted softly. I’d said those words, but it wasn’t exactly what I had intended to say.
“Girl, you’re annoying the hell out of me.”
“I just don’t know what to do.” I whined like a child rather than the thirty-year-old that I was.
LeeAnn sighed heavily, sounding like a tired parent before she even spoke. “Stop playing in his face. Shit, you going to find him guilty even if you don’t think he is, so leave him alone. Treat Rashad as you do any other defendant.”
She sounded robotic, almost as if her words were rehearsed, and I understood why. I’d never been so indecisive in my life.
“He’s already supposed to be coming over,” I said quietly.
LeeAnn snickered. “It takes two seconds to call him and tell him there’s been a change of plans.”
Calling things off with Rashad would be the ethical thing to do, but a piece of me just needed a last time with him.
“Okay…”
“I can tell that you aren’t going to listen to anything I say. Once your mind is made up, no one can change it. Last thing I’m going to say… If you allow that man to come to your house,you better be prepared for every single thing that is thrown your way after. Havoc will come, and it will be your own fault because you’re not thinking in the best way. You and I both know that. I have your back always, friend. Just be prepared for what will come.”
“Girl, wasn’t you the one just telling me to fuck him?” I chortled in disbelief.
LeeAnn exhaled deeply. “Yeah, I did.”
“But?” I wasn’t sure why she had a change of heart and so fast.
“I thought about it, Shiloh. I know all the shit you been through with Daniel, and you still have a lot of pain from that, even though you try to bury it. Not only that, that man showed you who he wanted you to believe he was and look at you.”
I had already had mixed feelings about Rashad, but now, LeeAnn was throwing in curve balls and having me second guessing even telling him he could come here.
“But he’s already on the way here,” I muttered, unsure of my thoughts. LeeAnn was my voice of reason, so her opinion mattered.
“What does that mean? Remember, you didn’t even want to have sex with him.”
In my head, I didn’t want to have sex with him, but I knew my kitty would do the thinking my brain couldn’t once I was in his presence. “Nothing I guess.” I shrugged.
“Then call that man and tell him you changed your mind. Handle the case as you do all of the others. He turned you every way but loose on the cruise and seemed like someone that could be it, but it’s clear he’s not. End it now while you can. ‘Cause shit will only get worse from here. Rashad, Kyan, or whatever he goes by is not the one. We both have to accept that.”
The truth hurt, and while I was conflicted, LeeAnn told no lies.
“Thank you.” It sounded stupid to say thank you during our conversation, but I appreciated LeeAnn in all she did. We didn’t always agree nor move the same, but one thing was for sure and two things for certain, we had each other through it all.
“I love you, girl.”
“I love you too,” I replied, before disconnecting the call.
