Page 130 of Golden Queen
She reached down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. She smelled wonderful—a heady mix of something like warm, sweet spice, some faintly familiar flower, and the whiskey on her breath.
"Besides," she said, releasing me and reaching down to tug Io up from his chair, "Amon and I will keep each other warm." She gave me a conspiratorial wink, not seeming to notice the way my face fell right along with my heart.
I turned away pointedly, trying to cover the heat rising in my face. My heart thundered in my chest and blood roared in my ears as I sought to control my temper—temper I had no right to.
When I turned around to face them again, they were gone.
Dreams came again as soon as I fell asleep. Only this time I was in a room full of shadowy people, and somehow, I knew they were all angry at me. I had done something terrible to them. They hated me!
I heard their vile insults and mocking laughter as I tried to make myself smaller so they would leave me alone.
Ugly, fat whore! Dirty Cyungr! Unclean! Ruined! Look at her! The king will not like her, she is so fat!
The dream version of me tried not to care about their insults. The waking me would probably have laughed them away, but in the disjointed nightmare, the words cut deep, making me cry.
And then a tall figure appeared, coming in my direction. Even when he was just in front of me, I could not discern his features. He was all black, like he was made of swirling shadows.
He pushed me down, and then he was forcing my legs apart. Desire for him flooded into me—desperate, aching need. If he didn't touch me, I thought I would die.
I reached for him, even as my mind told me to be repulsed by the shadow creature.
My hands met only air. I cast out desperately, trying to grab hold of him, watching the smoky shadows swirl in the wake of my fingers.
I could still feel him between my legs, still feel the wetness there, the evidence of how badly I ached for him.
"Please," I begged.
He laughed, and it was a cruel, horrible laugh full of mockery and ruin. It should have scared me, but I opened for him, expectant and ready.
When he pushed inside, it ripped me apart.
I woke up screaming, even as a terrible, repulsive release rolled through me.
I felt my knees hit the canvas mat even though I could not remember getting out of the bed. My body shuddered with the unwanted aftershocks of the dream.
I was panting, heart racing, my entire face wet with tears.
My face wasn't the only thing that was wet. I realized my underclothes were damp from the desire I'd felt in my dream…and the release had been real.
The thought sent another wave of revulsion and shame through me. It was all I could do not to vomit in Radella's tent. I did not want to have to go and find help to clean it up—and try to explain that I was so damaged I couldn't manage a single night without dreaming of being assaulted.
Hello, dragon riders, I'm your future queen, broken beyond repair, can you help me clean up a little vomit?
I rose to sit back on my haunches and look up at the darkened ceiling. It was lit only by the coals of the little brazier in the center of the room and the reflection cast circles of orange across the tent.
I took several deep, calming breaths before climbing back onto the cot.
It had grown so cold I could see my breath in front of me. Even under the pile of fur, I couldn’t manage to control the shaking of my body.
Sometime later, I saw the tent flap flutter, and my heart kicked up in my chest.
A small, white body climbed over the edge of the cot and curled up on my chest. Even through the furs, I could feel her body heat and the shivering quickly stopped.
Only when dawn began to break and I saw the light of the rising sun filtering through the canvas walls, did I realize I had been watching the tent flap, waiting for him all night. And he had never come.
The morning brought an even more intense cold as I left the tent and found Io already waiting. He was dressed in the leather tunic and dark breeches he seemed to prefer for flying.
I greeted him as amicably as I could manage and surveyed him in the dawn light. He looked reasonably well rested, a fact that had my lip twitching with the urge to sneer...or maybe to snarl. I really was in a terribly foul mood.
