Page 159 of Golden Queen
That was an understatement, of course. I was still certain the prophecy had been more warning than anything. The angels had felt less malevolent than they looked, and I almost believed they were somehow in service to me—or to Windemere.
But one thing was now certain. I was sure the prophecy spoke of me. It felt extremely arrogant and narcissistic to admit it, even to myself, but that made it no less certain in my mind.
The words spoke of me, and someone named Adrill, and maybe even him, my dark lord of shadows who wielded three kinds of fire, four if you counted the mundane, ordinary kind. What ifhewasthe black fire that would tear the sky in two? The thought sent my pulse soaring at therecollection of his earlier words.No matter if the whole fucking world burns for it, you will always be mine.
I turned to him with curiosity, though, as the implications of his other words finally filtered through. "Wewill take it to the masters? I thought we were going straight to Orin?"
He stilled and turned to me, slowly. "I told you, Sera. I will not give you up. We are going home—to Darkwatch."
The words rolled through me with sudden, undeniable pleasure while his intense, narrowed eyes surveyed me.
He was fearsome and powerful. My heart raced in my chest with the immediate urge to submit to his assertion.
But I could not succumb to that urge. I knew what a massive disaster would be created if he stole the king's betrothed—how many people would be put at risk by that action.
I believed his momentary insanity in the snow had faded along with the shadows, and that he had resigned himself to our fates again. He seemed distraught enough for me to believe he was coming to terms with it.
"Io, even if I did not require the alliance and your brother's armies for my kingdom, if you refused to hand me over, that could start a war between you and your brother. And I don't believe that you really want to kill him."
"Of course I don't want to kill him, Sera. And I don't want a war, but there are things you don't understand. Forces at work that will not be set aside no matter what kingdom falls because of it. And frankly, my dear Aelia, I do not give a damn what my brother thinks. He will come to terms with it."
I do not give a damn. My own words, thrown back at me. My own thoughts. The ones I had pushed to the front of my mind at every opportunity to excuse the fact of what I was doing, the dishonor I was committing by being with him. Guilt and shame crashed over me with enough force to nearly choke me.
I had not given a damn then—or at least I had convinced myself that I did not so that I could allow myself to touch him—to be with him. Because I needed him.
But I needed the armies of Nightfall—and this alliance, for my people, too. "Io, I cannot let you refuse to take me. I need your brother. My people need his armies. They are suffering under Penjan. My family is, right now, fleeing across the godsgrass."
He looked sympathetic, and I thought that he would relent and see the sense in my words, remember the sacrifice that we had both been prepared to make since the moment we signed the betrothal contract.
He stepped up to me again, putting his hand against my cheek and looking at me with such reverence that it took my breath away. He ran athumb across my lips. "We will take your kingdom back—you and I.Wewill return your people to their homes. And when we are done and we come home, I will fill your beautiful belly with those dark-eyed babies that I know you saw just as clearly as I did."
The words and the promise entirely undid me. I wanted that—dear gods in all the heavens, how badly I wanted that.
But I knew all of Darkwatch was not enough to stand against Penjan and their army of close to a million soldiers. If it had been, we would never have been here. I would never have signed that contract in the first place. If we went into that war without the armies of Nightfall, we would all die.Hewould die.
I suddenly saw, with startling clarity, where the difference in our two dreams lay. In mine, my parents had been alive, which told me that it was not the future—not the world as it would come to pass—but a version that could have been if things had been different.
He believed the dream had shown him the future—bright and happy before us. Filled with love and children—and peace between the kingdoms. My confirmation of Eroa's name had only cemented the idea in his mind.
Anddear gods, that would have been a future willing to fight anyone for.
As I looked up into his midnight eyes, feeling the promise of that life reflected in them, I simply could not bring myself to take it from him. My heart would not allow me to.
So I kissed him, feeling heartache and pain warring with the jarring realizations within me of what must come next—for my people and for him.
I would not let him die for a future that could never come to pass. I would have to find my own way around it. I would have to leave him and find a way to Orin before he could burn down the entirety of Alterra in the pursuit of that future that could never be.
And then, because I loved him so much that I thought I might die, I whispered, "I was never afraid of you, Io. Not for one moment."
He sighed, tipping my head up to meet his gaze more fully. He looked regretful again. "I felt your fear, Sera. And I will never forgive myself for that." He spoke with a calm resolution. "I promise you it will never happen again. You will never need to fear me."
"I was not afraid of you," I insisted, clutching the front of his shirt. "Not for one moment. I...saw something of my own power and it startled me." I didn't say what I really meant—that what really scared me was the knowledge that my power would have driven me to burn all the world to ash to be able to claw its way inside him—to get to the dark center of that whirling mass of his power.
"I would love to believe that's true, Sera."
"I am not lying. I have not lied to you since you learned who I was, not once." I laughed, tilting my head before adding with a half-smile, "Not about anything important anyway."
"Oh, so whathaveyou lied about then—that you judge as unimportant." He was smiling back at me, and it felt so...easy and natural. Like the world around us had settled back into place with us at the center. Io and Sera. Just some people who happened to love each other, teasing each other.
