Page 96 of Golden Queen
The din of voices behind me continued. Excited whispers and loud exclamations came from the eldermen and the priests as nearly everyone prostrated themselves on the floor at my newly crowned feet.
I walked back to my chambers feeling completely numb inside. When I got there, I found that my things were being moved to the tower. The Queen's Tower now, I realized.
I am the Queen,I told myself, but it didn't seem to make any difference to the horror that was happening inside me.
I continued into my sitting room and sank into a chair. People were streaming by, carrying my clothes and other belongings.
And then I heard the city bells begin their long, horrible cacophony.
Clang, clang, clang, clang!
I put my face in my hands and rubbed my temples. My head ached fiercely. All I wanted to do was get away from those fucking bells.
Clang, clang, clang, clang!
Tatana stepped in front of me. I heard her distantly asking me if I was okay. But all I could think about were the bells.
Clang, clang, clang, clang!
She leaned down, and I noticed another set of feet standing at her side. Franca, I thought.
"Can you make them all leave," I said, my voice breaking on the last word.
"Of course," Tatana said, and rose to her feet. "Everyone, out, please. The Queen would like a moment to herself. Thank you. You can finish later." I heard feet shuffling to the door as the servants left.
Franca knelt in front of me. I looked up to see her expression, full of concern. "I'll be close if you need me, Aelia. I am always here for you, you know."
I tried to smile at her as she rose and laid a hand on the back of my head, but my scalp was sore from the weight of the crown, and I was so incredibly tired.
I watched her feet retreating across the room toward the door as Tatana stepped back in front of me.
"Would you like for me to go as well, Aelia?" she asked in a quiet voice.
"Yes," I said, and I knew it would hurt her feelings, but I just had no capacity for human interaction. I was on the verge of screaming.
When she started for the door, I remembered.
"Wait," I said, reaching into the pocket of my coronation robes and pulling out a parchment with my first official seal. I looked up as I handed it to her and saw that my hands were shaking. "This is for you, Lady of Aracet," I forced a smile. I knew what this moment would mean for her.
'Thank you, Aelia," she said, and I heard the tears in her voice. But true to form, knowing what I needed, she left quickly.
I rose from the chair and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. One of the finest Tatana and I had collected over the years—one we saved for special occasions.
The bells had stopped clanging, but I knew they would start up again in an hour. They would ring every hour for a full day to signal the crowning of a new monarch.
I went to my balcony and climbed to the roof, still wearing my coronation robes, minus the long, unwieldy train. The sun had set, and the city was bathed in bright moonlight.
I leaned back against the sloping tiles and took several long swallows of the liquor, willing it to ease the ache inside me.
I looked up at the night sky and allowed the tears to finally come.
I cried for all the moments we had together and the ones we never would. I cried for the way he looked at me, the way he touched me, and the way Iknewhe felt something for me that was more than just a passing attraction. I cried because I had left him in such a hurry that morning I could not remember the last thing I said to him.
And when I had no more tears left for that, I cried for the war that was coming just as I began my reign, for the people who would die, the men who would fight, and the kingdom that would suffer.
And as I lay under the beautiful star-strewn sky, feeling the gentlest of warm breezes ruffle my hair, I thought of the ridiculous song about the fairy singing to her frozen human lover. The words were old Withian, and they were some of the very few I knew.
I sing for you until the world burns and our ashes drift away in the wind.
