Page 36 of Bear's Midlife Bridesmaid
Erin nodded. “Yes. I’m pregnant.We’repregnant.”
He swallowed. “How do you feel about that?”
How could she even begin to describe it? “I’ve been sitting out here trying to figure that out and boil it down into something that makes sense. At the rate I’m going, though, I’ll be sitting out here well into the second trimester. I’ve always wanted kids, to be honest with you. Something’s special about creating life and showing it the world. I’ve always felt like it would be my chance to become something bigger than just myself, but it never happened. Until now.”
His shoulder rubbed against her arm. “I think you’d make a great mom.”
She looked at him now, something she’d beenavoiding since he’d arrived. It seemed like it’d be easier to say all these things to the sand, water, and sky than to him, but now she saw the genuine honesty in his face. Those hazel eyes looked at her and saw more than just her face. They saw straight into her soul. “Really?”
“Sure,” Jace replied easily. “You’re so loving and caring. I saw it in the way you perked up my little houseplant and how you worried about me when I had to go under the sailboat to fix it. Then there’s Ruby. She might not be your child, but you had a mother’s touch when you held her and talked to her. Hell, even your battle with Gretchen was full of love.”
“I hadn’t thought about it like that,” she admitted.
“What else are you feeling about all of this?” he asked.
“Worried. Scared. Like there are some really huge decisions to make and I don’t even know where to start.” The breeze lifted her hair from her neck, soothing her with its mild touch. A strain of fear was constantly moving through her, yet she felt a new excitement in the way she felt, even when she only had two legs. She was much more aware of her body than she’d ever been before, and shesensed every tiny hair on her arms waving in the wind.
Jace scooted a bit closer. He put his arm around her, his warm strength angling down her back to her left hip. “You don’t have to make any of them alone.”
She leaned into him and inhaled deeply. He smelled of clean clothes and some lingering remnants of cologne. And comfort. “Thank you for that.”
“Do you want to tackle any of it right now?”
No.Part of her ran quickly away from all the problems that loomed over her, demanding that she go back to pretending her issues didn’t exist. It was easier that way, wasn’t it? No, that was all a delusion. It was harder not to know where she was going from there. “Like I said, I’ve always wanted kids. But the circumstances for this aren’t exactly ideal. I’m not sure how we’re going to do this.”
“Kids need food, clothing, and lots of love,” he reasoned. “I think we can take care of all of that between us.”
“It’s not that simple,” she countered. “I know you’ve already had a kid, but this is all new to me. And it’s not just about figuring out what kind of diapers to use or how to decorate a nursery. Jace, we live so far away from each other. I’ve got my covenand my practice back in Salem. I can’t just leave all of that behind, not after I’ve worked so hard to get to a good place in life. Then there’s you. You’ve got a great job here that you love. More importantly, Ian is here.”
She leaned forward and rested her forehead on her hands. “I’ve been thinking about this almost constantly ever since we knew what we were to each other. It’s only more complicated now that a baby’s involved, but I don’t feel like I’m any closer to the answer.”
“I understand.” His palm continued to rove slowly over her back. “And I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to brush it all aside with what I said a minute ago. I think that was just my boneheaded way of saying we’d work it out. To be honest, I’ve been looking for those same answers, and they’re hard to come by.”
She rolled to the side, resting her head on his knee. “It seems unfair that we’ve had to wait this long to find each other. We wouldn’t have had to think as hard about this if it’d happened years ago.”
“Maybe not.” His fingers gently lifted her hair away from her neck so he could rub his thumb into the sore muscles there, finding them instinctively. “We wouldn’t have been the same people we are right now, though. I’ve cursed fate plenty of times,and I’ve felt very justified in that, but I like to think everything works out the way it’s supposed to. For all we know, there’s a very good reason that we’ve been kept apart until now. Not that it means we have to like it,” he added.
Thin clouds streaked across the pale blue sky, stretching off into forever. “I won’t ask you to leave your clan, your son, and your career.” She’d do many things to change her life if needed. This child growing inside her, which she’d always wanted but never had until now, deserved every bit of herself she could give. They’d just have to find a way to do it all without resenting each other.
“And I wouldn’t ask you to leave your home, your shop, and your coven,” he replied.
She rolled over onto her back now, her head still on his knee as she gazed up at him. “I don’t know what to do, Jace.”
He looked down lovingly at her as he brushed her hair away from her forehead. “I know it’s frustrating that we’ve had to wait this long to find each other, but that means waiting a bit longer to figure things out isn’t going to hurt us. We don’t have to have all the answers right now, and we don’t have to make any big decisions.”
“But—”
“I know.” He smoothed his hand over her forehead again. “I know you want those answers. I do, too. I think we’ll be able to find them a little better if we slow down, though.”
She frowned, feeling uncertainty and anxiety feeding into each other. How could she slow down and rest at all when she knew her entire future—and that of her baby—was still hanging over her head? How could she just go about life like things were normal?
“Erin, I promise we’re going to figure this out.We.It’s hard to imagine right now, but everything is going to be okay,” he soothed.
“That’s hard to believe,” she replied.
“Yeah,” he said with a short laugh. “I don’t blame you. I don’t think I’d believe it myself if I hadn’t been through it already. A couple of times, in fact. Both when I found out I was going to be a father, and then when I found out I was going to have to do it alone. I really didn’t think it would be okay. I felt like the whole world was resting on my shoulders, and there was no way I could ever hold it all up. When you’re in those moments, everything feels impossible. It’s only now, when I look back at it, that I can see everything turned out all right. It will again. Okay?”
“Okay,” she whispered. Erin wanted so badly tobelieve him. She wanted to know that a solution was waiting for them, and they simply hadn’t found it yet.
