Page 74 of Seeds of Love
I nod, unable to force more words past the lump in my throat. The hope in his eyes feels like it’s crushing me.
“That’s my boy.” Dad’s voice cracks with pride. “Always knew you’d do great things.”
The rest of dinner is a blur of celebration—Meg’s scholarship, her birthday tomorrow, my “promising future,” all the dreams that seem suddenly within reach. I smile and nod, say all the right things, but inside, I’m screaming.
How do you tell your family that their golden ticket might be fool’s gold? That the company they’re pinning their hopes on hasblood on its hands? That maybe, just maybe, your conscience is worth more than a fat paycheck?
You don’t. You sit there and let them dream, because sometimes dreams are all we’ve got.
Later, as I lie in my childhood bed, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars I stuck up there when I was twelve, I think about Alex. About integrity. About the person I want to be versus the son my family needs me to be.
The stars offer no answers, but they remind me of better times. Mom and Dad’s excited chatter floats up from downstairs, phrases like “financial security” and “great opportunity” worming their way into my brain. Each word feels like another nail in the coffin of my ideals.
I roll over, burying my face in the pillow and contemplating whether it’s possible to smother myself. Tomorrow’s Megan’s birthday, and I should be excited. Instead, I feel like I’m starring in my own personal Greek tragedy: “Freddie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Life Decision.”
My phone buzzes, yanking me out of my pity party. It’s Alex.
Hey, how was the birthday celebration? Did Megan like her gift?
I can’t help but smile, despite everything. Leave it to Alex to remember the little things.
It’s her birthday tomorrow, and I know she’ll love it. Thanks for saving me from gift card hell
Anytime! I have lived through the teenage girl experience. So how’s the family?
I hesitate, my thumbs hovering over the keyboard. How do I sum up this emotional rollercoaster without sounding like a Lifetime movie?
They’re… ok Dad’s health is still a bit shit, but he seemed in good spirits today
That’s good to hear. Give them my best, okay?
Ofc. How’s the lab? Any breakthroughs without me?
Ha! As if. The place is a disaster without your organizing skills. That’s a joke, by the way. I actually know where things are without you messing up my color-coded system
I chuckle.
I knew you’d miss me
You insist on misunderstanding me, Donovan. How long until you’re back?
Heading out tomorrow night. Should be back in the lab by Monday
Good. We’ve got work to do, remember? GSRI waits for no one!
Her enthusiasm cuts me to the core. GSRI. Her dream of a bigger, brighter future. How can I tell her? Once she hears I’m working for EcoTech, I wouldn’t be surprised if she never speaks to me again. I know I can enact change from inside there, butAlex doesn’t see things like that. She’s so black-and-white it infuriates me.
Yeah. Haha. Talk soon
I end the conversation abruptly, feeling like the world’s biggest coward. But I can’t face her right now. I need to get through another day with my family before I can deal with the wrath of my best friend. And sometimes lover.
My phone buzzes again, and I almost don’t check it to see what Alex said. It’s not Alex. It’s Ethan.
Bro, don’t ask any questions, but do we have any whipped cream or grapefruits in the house?
ALEX
NOW – SOPHOMORE YEAR – APRIL
