Page 47 of Safety Net
CELESTE
Their overlapping voices form a symphony of opinions that didn't intend to cause harm but still pierced me. Halle was right; the music felt short and the lines were too hollow. Ellis' point stood: live music would leave a more lasting impact, so I need confirmation on whether we'll get an orchestra. Jack was worried about the sets and how long it’d take to assemble them now we had so many pieces. Even Finn offered input, noting various backstage hazards.
I tried to keep up, reaching for my notebook only to remember I didn't bring my bag on stage. I hadn't thought I'd be up here this long under the burning lights. But our fifteen-minute pre-rehearsal meeting had turned into forty-five minutes.
"Alright, everyone!" Lincoln's voice possessed a sense of authority that called for more than attention, but silence. They stared at him, expecting him to chide them. And I expected as much, too, even though I wasn't the recipient of his scolding stare.
"Let's stop talking for a second and listen to our director," he said. "All your questions and thoughts can wait until you actually learn what it is she needs from you."
Lincoln's gaze found mine then, expression softening. I want to lean into him. He was a rock outside of the shoreline. I wasn't quite out of the high tide yet, but safe enough for the moment.
All eyes were on me. My fingertips tingled, and my mouth went hot with the familiar preparation of throwing up. Ellis gave me a subtle thumbs up, but paired it with his "this isn't going well" face. Not on purpose…I think. Regardless, it made my breathing shallow because my panic was now apparent.
"I…" All I had to do was debrief them. Explain to them what decision I'd made. And as easy as that sounded, it'd become a mountain. Every idea I'd had sounded useless.
We all stood in silence for what felt like a millennium. Lincoln, still next to me, turned so his back was toward them and his face was toward me. He leaned down slightly and whispered,
"Do we need a break?" His smile was small, unjudging, as if he did this all the time. As if he micromanaged panicked twenty-somethings regularly.
"Just a minute," I barely got out.
He nodded and ordered everyone, "Take five! Don't go far."
In a low voice, he asked me, "Do you know a private spot where we can talk?"
I nodded, numb as I turned to the curtain.
"I still think this part is a little out of your range, El," Halle said.
"You know a lot of range all of a sudden," Jack chimed in.
"She's not wrong," Ellis agreed. "How about you give it a try?"
"Funny," Jack said.
"Yeah, give it a try," Halle agreed, mocking.
"Finn, grab my phone real quick," Kaya said. "This is going to be good."
Conversation flowed back into its normal rhythm as if they hadn't been about to make my head explode with their arguing mere seconds ago.
The closer we got to the curtain, the less I could feel my legs. Lincoln took the lead, trying to open the curtain in one sweeping motion. He got tangled, and I stood in silence as he went toe to toe with the curtain. One might think the odds would be in his favor. I mean, playing hockey had to give one possession of some kind of agility, right?
It was when his legs got caught in the fray I decided it was time to step in.
"I think if you just…" I stepped forward and easily untangled the curtain from his legs, pulling it back. I didn't laugh until we were backstage.
"There she is." Lincoln laughed a bit, too.
"Thank you for that."
"That, unfortunately, wasn't on purpose."
I nodded. "I know. I meant you getting their attention. Trying to help me be a director even when… I'm so clearly not one."
I sobered, picking at a hangnail with nervous aggression. "I'm so sorry. I thought I was ready…I thought I'd be able to at least…say something.Anything."
"Hey, hey. Do not apologize. You've done nothing wrong." Lincoln reached for my hand, covering the irritated skin. "Breathe. Ready?"
