Page 65 of Safety Net
She pulled away a little to get a better look at me. Concern casted a shadow over her face. Celeste brushed her thumb across my cheek as if my hurt were something she could wipe away.
The heat between us faded as she seriously took in my confession. I followed her lead ruefully, even though I wouldn't mind letting my wound fade into the ether.
"You do know that isn't true. That it never was," she said. "And no one in your life, no matter what mistake you make, is going to believe that."
"Mm." I hummed and tried to pull her back into me.
"Lincoln," she protested. "At least, some part of you knows that that wasn't your baggage to shoulder?"
"I want to, I really do," I said, knowing after all this, I couldn't lie to her. I didn't want to after being completely seen by her and having the chance to be wholly known.
She nodded, ever gentle and understanding. "We'll get you there. Just don't hide it anymore. None of us can help if we don't know what's going on."
"I don't plan on hiding," I promised. "Not when I'm with you."
There was no reason to hide from Celeste. When she looked at me, she didn't see one part. I wasn't the class clown. The hockey goalie. The party guy. I was everything I wanted to be, and more.
When Celeste looked at me, she expected me to have more to offer and to be unfinished, which she saw as something good. And inspiring. And hopefully, as something that was hers.
CHAPTER TWENTY
LINCOLN
"You know how I hate to be dramatic,” I started. “But this fucking sucks.”
Henrik snorted, shoving past me to get a box into the van. “Don’t start. This whole carting sets across town wasyouridea.”
“Maybe this’ll make it better? Or at least more fun,” Naomi said as she tugged a cap onto my head, pulling the brim so low I couldn't see for a second. I laughed and readjusted it in time to see her skip over to do the same to Finn. He was entranced with something on his phone. But before Naomi could move on, he grabbed her waist, holding her still for a kiss. She ruefully pulled away, out of breath as she offered Henrik his cap.
Henrik studied the embroidery on the front. "What's this?"
"For our production team." Naomi beamed, made a show of slipping hers on, and moved her fingers around it with a flourish as she modeled for us. "I know it's our final rehearsal—I meant to get them sooner. But it's better late than never, right? I did the design and everything."
"You designed this?" I pulled off the cap and studied the logo, which featured flowers and musical notes. The words, Celeste's Crew, were sewn in cursive.
"I wanted us to have something to remember it by," she said. "It's the first time I'm on a team with you guys, too. You all get to have the jerseys, I wanted something to commemorate, since this'll be our last summer together on campus."
My chest tightened at the idea of next summer. The lease on this house would be over, and even if Naomi and I wanted to stay, we'd have to find new roommates. I'd have to figure out if I'd be able to continue playing for Mendell.
After deciding to recommit myself to training, I thought I could dodge most of the emotion that surfaced when faced with the reality of my situation. If I pulled myself together, with a full course load and excess hours on the ice, I wouldn't have to deal with being left behind. Wouldn't have to deal with the change of any season. I had to focus and be who Celeste believed she saw when she looked at me.
"These turned out incredible." I pushed down everything I couldn't control right now and proudly tugged on the cap again. "I love them. Celeste will too."
"Yeah, thank you, Naomi," Henrik said, clearing his throat a few times. "A perfect way to remember the summer."
We all paused, watching as Henrik turned red.
"What?" he asked.
"Are you…?" I started.
"Getting emotional," Finn finished with as much confusion in his tone as I felt.
"Yes, I've been known to care about the people I spend most of my time with," Henrik joked. "And I just binged a ton of my favorite childhood movies, so I'm in a strange headspace."
"You know how you get when you revisit those movies. Why would you do that to yourself?" I asked.
"I had a lot of baking to do. It all took forever," he defended. "Those movies are the best kind of background noise."
