Page 6 of Edged By the Apparition
Invisible fingers threaded themselves through my own and squeezed. Another unseen hand gently pressed against my chest. The sensation grounded me and calmed me. This was my Blaise.
This was myBlaise.
“I missed you so much. I didn’t know what to do without you.” I was fighting to regain my stability against the waves of overwhelming emotions. Only the thought that my love was right here in the room with me kept me focused.
“I missed you too, baby. But we’re together now.”
A soft kiss pressed against the back of my neck, and I leaned into it.
“Is there…can I see you? Is that possible?” I’d missed his face so much. His cheeky grin. His mischievous eyes.
“I’m not sure.”
My eyebrows furrowed at his answer. Why wouldn’t he know? I just wanted to see his face again. It was hard to believe this was really happening, but if I could see him…
“What does that mean?”
“I can make myself visible, but it takes a lot of effort. I can’t sustain it. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes harder. It depends on the day.”
I nodded and plastered on a smile, concealing my longing. I couldn’t help it. I’d gone five long years without gazing into hiseyes, and I needed it on a fundamental level. It was proof that this wasn’t a hallucination.
Of course, Blaise always knew when I was hiding my emotions.
“I’ll try for you, Tommy.”
The pressure against me stopped, his ethereal hands fading away, and a moment later the air in front of me shimmered. The tall pile of cardboard boxes slowly became obscured, a gauzy white form appearing.
It was him.
It took a few minutes, but little by little, the image grew stronger and clearer, shimmering in the morning sun. First, I could make out his form, then his denim jacket over his bare chest, and then his always-stylish hair. Finally, his face solidified.
Those eyes shone like patches of blue sky amidst a bank of clouds. They were soft and fierce at the same time: filled with both compassion and hunger. His care emanated off him in waves, washing over me like warm ocean surf.
He reached out a hand to me, and then he was gone, disappearing in a flash, blinking out of existence. I let out a sob at the sight. I couldn’t help myself. I clasped my arms around myself, squeezing in a desperate effort to keep myself present.
“I’m sorry, baby. I can speak and I can touch you, but appearing visually is much more effort. What I just did is more than I usually manage.”
I nodded, unable to speak, and suddenly I felt the pressure of his invisible body wrapping himself around me, holding me tight. Something pressed against my face, and I realized we were standing cheek to cheek. I reached out my arms, wrapping them around his unseen form, seeing if I could hug him.
My fingers found the texture of denim covering warm muscle. I tightened my grip on him.
“I can’t believe this. I thought…you were gone! I talked to you, you know. Every morning, I told you about my plans for the day. Standing in the shower, I’d be like ‘Hey Blaise, just so you know, I have to go to my stupid job, but I’m going to do it because I can’t just hide in my apartment, you wouldn’t want that.’ I’d imagine you answering, you saying ‘don’t worry baby, when you get home I’ll make you feel so good,’ like you always did when I was dreading a work day. Then when I went to bed, I’d say goodnight. Always out loud. Always hoping that you might hear me, even though I knew you were dead.”
Ghostly hands tightened around my back, squeezing my breath out of me, as Blaise whispered in my ear.
“I hear you now, my sweet guy.”
His words healed something in me, closing a wound that had been ragged and raw since the day he died. Maybe it was because his death had been so sudden. The shock of the loss had unmoored me. It had injured my spirit, and only now, knowing for certain that he still existed, that his consciousness hadn’t died with his body, was I able to be whole.
I leaned forward, taking a guess at where his mouth was, and pressed my lips into the empty air. It seemed insane, despite the fact that his muscular arms held tight around me, despite his soothing voice. Was I descending into some kind of psychotic break?
It didn’t matter if this was real or not. It was better than any moment I’d lived through since I last stood in this house. I had to have faith.
My lips met his, and I sighed into his mouth in relief. It was as it had always been. His lips were warm, even if I couldn’t see them, and they were as soft and delicious as I remembered. He still tasted like my Blaise, with traces of mint mouthwash and chocolate.
God, he loved chocolate. Nine times out of ten, I could taste it on him when we kissed.
Then an intruder slipped through his lips and tapped at mine. Was that…he had a tongue? I guess it made sense, if he had lips he would have a tongue, but my brain was having trouble processing it.
