Page 36 of Because I Liked A Boy
I don’t look at him, but I feel him anyway: the weight of his hand anchoring me, the heat bleeding through denim, the small squeeze every time my leg tenses like I might bolt. He doesn’t say a word, doesn’t ask. He just drives, knuckles pale against the wheel as if he’s holding in a hundred things he’ll never say out loud.
For the first time since Ruby grabbed my wrist, I let myself lean into that silence. If I let go I’ll fall apart, and if I fall apart there’s only one person holding the pieces right now.
When he pulls up outside my flat the engine barely clicks off before his phone starts buzzing in the console. He glances at the screen, jaw tight.
“I’ve gotta take this,” he mutters, thumb hovering like he hates the idea of answering. His eyes flick to me, softer now. “But listen, Princess. If you need me I’ll come back. Promise.”
I nod, unable to trust my voice.
He leans in before I can move and brushes a strand of hair off my damp cheek. His thumb lingers, dragging gently across my skin, slow and careful, like he’s memorising the shape of me without asking for more. My chest aches with how careful he is, how badly I want to believe promises don’t break.
“Get some rest,” he says softly. “I’ll see you soon.”
He goes, phone to his ear, walking away while I sit in the quiet with the ghost of his touch burning warm against my cheek.
The second the door shuts behind me silence rushes in. Too quiet. Too empty.
I sink onto the floor, back against the wall, knees pulled to my chest. The same position I was in the night Nathan died. The night I heard the last words he ever spoke slam into our father like knives before he stormed out.
Ruby’s voice echoes in my head. Theo’s anger. The same rhythm, the same fight. Different names, same ending. Except this time I’m not watching through a window. I’m stuck in the middle, helpless all over again.
My chest caves. The sobs rip out before I can stop them, ugly and choking and unstoppable. My hands shake against my knees. I claw at my arms, desperate for something to hold onto, nails scraping skin. I want to scream until my throat bleeds, but all that comes out are gasps, sharp and broken.
Hunter’s scent is still on me. Cedar. Motor oil. Safety. The memory of his arms around me makes it worse because now he’s gone and I’m alone again. Just like always.
I bury my face against my knees, rocking as if that will hold me together. It doesn’t. The images keep coming—Nathan’s face, Ruby’s tears, Hunter’s green eyes looking at me like I matter, like I’m not irreparably broken.
It’s too much.
I fumble blindly for my phone, slick with tears. My vision blurs as I unlock the screen, fingers trembling. Before I can type anything it buzzes in my palm.
HUNTER: You okay?
The breath leaves me in a jagged sob. Tears spill fresh and hot because he asked, because he noticed.
I type I’m fine then erase it. Don’t worry about me then erase that too. Each lie tastes worse than the last. I don’t want him to forget. I don’t want him to stop worrying.
My thumbs hover until the truth claws its way out, the thing I swore I’d never admit to anyone.
Please come back when you can. I need you.
I hit send before I can stop myself.
Panic claws through me. I almost throw the phone across the room. That’s not me. I don’t beg. I don’t admit need. And yet I did.
Tears blur the screen and I stare at the sent message, waiting for it to unsend itself, waiting for the world to rewind. It doesn’t. It just sits there, glowing back at me. Proof.
I press the phone to my chest like it’s the only thing keeping me from unravelling completely, heart thundering in my ribs.
For the first time in years I let myself want.
I want him to come back. I want someone to keep a promise. I want someone to stay.
So I curl tighter into myself, cheeks wet, body trembling, whispering into the silence, “Please, Hunter. Don’t leave me waiting too.”
The knock at the door barely registers. I’m half-asleep, curled into the sofa cushions, the dim glow of the lamp bleeding into the room.
Saturday is tomorrow and the thought has been gnawing at me all day. A whole day and night with Hunter. I don’t know what it means and the not knowing sits heavy in my chest.
