Page 28 of A Scandalous Love for the Enticing Duke
I received news of your return, yestereve. As I read your words of love, one eye shed tears of joy and another shed tears of pain. As I write to you, this love which we have nursed and nurtured lies in great danger. Do come for me tonight, and I shall tell it all to you. I remain yours completely, in heart, body, and soul.
Love,
A.
As soon as she was done, she sent for the footman, Leandro, who was her most trusted servant in that house, and her messenger. She said no words as she handed him the letter. Only, “Ensure that he receives it before nightfall.”
When she saw the look of pity the footman bestowed upon her, the tears she had been holding in dropped. As he left, shutting the door behind him, she finally gave in, and the river of tears overflowed.
Chapter 19
Agnes woke up with a start at the sound of stones hitting her window. She felt awful, having slept from her bout of tear-shedding. It took a while for her head to clear and for her to process what it was she was actually hearing. Stones. Three hits, a break, then repeat. Why did that rhythm sound so familiar?
Oh! Alan! As soon as it came to her, she was out of her bed. She almost tripped over the skirts she had not bothered to take off upon her return. It had also gone deathly dark outside, but a gas lamp hung, lit up in a corner, affording her the much needed lighting to navigate around. No doubt, one of the servants had done that job as night fell. Lifting the skirts into her hands, she ran over to the window and pulled it open. She sighted him immediately, in a hidden corner only she knew of, waving to her. A big grin stole across her face as she pushed her head out of the window and waved in return. Then, she signalled that she would be down soon.
She tore herself away and went to wash off in the basin of water she always had available in her bath. When that was done, she managed to get herself out of her contraptions, into the men’s clothes she used as disguise. As soon as she was dressed, her hair in a tight knot at the base of her neck and coveted with a hat, she slipped out of her bedroom quietlyand found her way to the servants’ quarters. Light on her toes, she made no sound until she stepped out through their door. As soon as the night breeze blew against her skin, she broke into a run, headed for Alan.
He had his arms wide open as she reached him, and she flung herself at him with all her might. He would catch her, she knew this, and he did. As she connected with rock solid chest, strong arms cane around her, and she hung on as if for dear life.
“I missed you. So terribly. Every minute of the day. I never want to be apart from you again, Alan. I pray thee! Take me with you.”
She felt the rumble in his chest as he chuckled. “I missed you every second of the day, Agnes. You must release me so that we leave. We cannot remain here for too long, else we’d be seen.”
Immediately, she let go of him and let him lead her to an inner garden where she was certain no one would visit by this time. The moment they arrived, they settled on a long stone chair. Her anxiety returned as she wondered how best to break the news. Thankfully, he did it for her.
“I received your summons just as I was going to send mine. I was with your father when the news of your engagement reached him. What is this I hear Agnes; you are to be married?”
He sounded so hurt that she could not help reaching for him. She cradled his face in her hand and beheld his lovely forest green eyes. Then she moved to his brow, his nose, his lips, feeling them with her hands. If this was the last time she would meet with him this way, and she wanted to commit it all to memory. Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against his and took a deep, ragged breath.
“It is what it is. I am to be married. I would have told you sooner, but I wanted to do it in person. I thought it would be too cruel, otherwise. I apologise.”
“So, it’s true?” came the broken question. Her heart broke further with it. She opened her eyes and leaned back so that she could look at him, show him the sincerity in every word.
“I am afraid, yes. Mother and Father have put their feet down. I could not refuse this one. I had no other choice than to accept. You must believe me.” Tears dropped from her eyes, the pain too heavy to bear. When she spoke again, it came out in sobs.
“I only ever want to be married to you, Alan. I have begged you before, and I am begging you again, please, run away with me. We can go anywhere you want. Take me to the overseas, those places you speak so fondly of. We would be happy together. So happy. This is the only chance we have got left. Take me, Alan. Please!”
Her tears dropped heavily, and his hands came around her, hugging her to his chest while her agony racked through her. For a long, long time, he said nothing. Silence reigned, except for her sobs. Slowly, but eventually, she quieted down, and he finally spoke.
“I know you Agnes. You love me, but you also love your family. I do not think you will truly be happy so far away from them; no, I do not think so. Moreover, my answer still remains. We cannot betray your father this way. Think of what this would do to your parents. We have always known from the onset that we were doomed for this. Let us be grateful for the time we have had, for now, we must say our goodbyes.”
Her world came crashing down, every bit of it. The last candle of hope melted completely, flickering out to never be lighted again. She had hoped and prayed that Alan would see reason with her. That maybe the reality of losing her for good would force his hand, that he would not concede so easily and leave her to be had by another man. She had been wrong. Suddenly cold as though she had been doused with rocks of ice, she wrenched herself out of his arms.
Her voice held every betrayal and hurt she felt as she spoke. Yet, her demeanour remained calm, unperturbed.
“I see that I was wrong. I was wrong to think that you loved me and that you would be willing to sacrifice it all for me, just as I am willing to sacrifice more. Sadly, still you put your honour above me. Not even as you see my pain. Not even as you learn that I am never to be yours. The times we have had? They are nothing! Nothing compared to the life of sorrow I will be sentenced to without you. You would offer me to another man on a platter of gold? Do I mean so little? I had hoped not.”
He began to speak, but she cut him off with her hand in the air.
“My sincere gratitude, Alan, for the dreams you made me believe to be true. It is just as well. All these years, hopelessly waiting for you. They have all come to naught. I hope this makes you happy. I hope that you sleep soundly in your bed tonight.” With these words, she rose to her feet, eager to get away from him. She had fallen apart, but she would not let go in front of him. Not anymore. Not after he had thrown her love back in her face.
He rose too, drawing her back when she would have walked away. “Agnes, do not do this! You know ’tis not true.”
Livid, she turned to him, her eyes blazing. “Is it not? Then tell me, tell me why you constantly refuse me? Every time I fling myself at you, only to be flung back into thorns. I cannot continue to nurse these wounds any longer. It is too much for me to bear.” Overwhelmed, her resolve weakened, and she broke into tears again. Again, he pulled her closer and cradled her face.
“Look at me; look at me, Agnes. I am hopelessly gone for you. I am in love with you. I have never lied about that truth; you mustn’t doubt this. This, it’s above us. We could never hope to win.”
“We can at the very least, try!”
